Landscape of the Soul
by feithecontact
Summary: In an alternate universe, the Eva pilots are much the same, and yet strangely different. As NERV's plans for the ANGELs come to fruition and Human Instrumentality begins, Shinji battles to find himself. Rated R for language and weirdness.
1. Dark City, Dark Mind

WELCOME TO NERV INFORMATION DEPT.  
NEXT COMMAND//: Profile: Ikari, Shinji  
...  
PROFILE: Ikari, Shinji  
Age: 18  
Sex: Male  
Parents: Ikari, Gendo  
Ikari, Yui (deceased)  
Threat Evaluation: Blue-AB  
Physical Matrix: 27CCAB (Rank Alpha)  
Mental Matrix: 82A5B7 (Rank Beta)  
Status: ANGEL, Division 1  
Pilot of EVA 01  
Commanding Officer: Katsuragi, Misato  
FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED  
...  
NEXT COMMAND//: Profile: Ikari, Gendo  
...  
PROFILE: Ikari, Gendo  
Age: 43  
Sex: Male  
FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED  
...  
NEXT COMMAND//: Profile: Ayanami, Rei   
...  
PROFILE: Ayanami, Rei  
Age: 18  
Sex: Female  
Parents: CLASSIFIED  
Threat Evaluation: Blue-AA  
Physical Matrix: 29BBAA (Rank Alpha)  
Mental Matrix: ACA6A7 (Rank Alpha)  
Status: ANGEL, Division 1  
Pilot of EVA 00  
Commanding Officer: Katsuragi, Misato  
FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED  
...  
NEXT COMMAND//: Profile: Langley, Asuka Sohryu   
...  
PROFILE: Langley, Asuka Sohryu  
Age: 18  
Sex: Female  
Parents: CLASSIFIED  
Threat Evaluation: Blue-AB  
Physical Matrix: C8AAA (Rank Alpha)  
Mental Matrix: BB55B6 (Rank Beta)  
Status: ANGEL, Division 2  
Pilot of EVA 02  
Commanding Officer: Katsuragi, Misato  
FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED  
...  
NEXT COMMAND//: Profile: Suzuhara, Toji  
...  
PROFILE: Suzuhara, Toji  
Age: 18  
Sex: Male  
Parents: CLASSIFIED  
Threat Evaluation: Blue-AA  
Physical Matrix: BA88DA (Rank Alpha)  
Mental Matrix: 696CB6 (Rank Alpha)  
Status: ANGEL, Division 2  
Pilot of EVA 03  
Commanding Officer: Katsuragi, Misato  
FURTHER INFORMATION CLASSIFIED  
...  
NEXT COMMAND//: Security Access, Level Cherubim  
ENTER PASSWORD//: *******  
...  
PASSWORD INCORRECT.  
ENTER PASSWORD//: *******  
...  
PASSWORD INCORRECT.  
ENTER PASSWORD//: *******  
...  
PASSWORD INCORRECT.  
UNAUTHORIZED ENTRANCE ATTEMPTED.  
HARD DRIVE WIPING...DONE.  
CONNECTION TERMINATED.  
  
"Shit! Those fucking bastards!" Nabiki Tendo slammed the   
keyboard, which had up until then been resting on her lap, onto the   
countertop furiously.  
  
The desktop was cluttered with papers and dirty coffee mugs, as   
well as the computer, and the floor was littered with junk as well -   
everything from blaster pistols to calculators. The room was very   
small - not more than nine cubic feet - and lit only by the dim glow   
of the computer screen. The only other piece of furniture in the   
closet-like room was a beaten-up, dingy old couch, upon which sat   
another woman.  
  
"What's up, 'Biki?" Akane asked, looking up from cleaning her   
synchro-blade.  
  
The dull-colored steel of the synchro-blade shone darkly in the   
dim light. Nabiki, a tall young woman with short brown hair, stood up   
from the desk chair and turned to her sister. Akane watched her   
curiously.  
  
Nabiki made a frustrated noise. "What do you think? It's that   
goddamn NERV security system! I've been trying to break into   
Cherubim-level access for weeks now, and I haven't even come close."  
  
Akane put her synchro-blade down next to her and stood up, going   
over to comfort her aggravated sister. "Hey, don't worry about it,   
'Biki. So far as we know, no one but you has ever even gotten past   
Guardian Angel. Just keep at it, okay?"  
  
The older girl sat down heavily on the desk chair, exhaling a   
long sigh. "I know, I know. But I really don't think I'll ever crack   
it. And every time I try, it's all I can do to keep them from   
detecting us. Sometimes..." she trailed off.  
  
"Sometimes what?" Akane asked sharply.  
  
Nabiki turned angrily to her younger sister. "Oh, come on   
Akane! You know what I mean. We're never going to accomplish   
anything with this stupid crusade against NERV. Maybe it's time we   
gave up, moved on."  
  
Akane's eyes were furious as she stared at her sister. "Well,   
give up then. You can leave - you can try to forget everything   
they've done to us... everything they took from us!"  
  
Nabiki stood up. "You know I'll never forget. I'll never, ever   
forget Kasumi, or Daddy, or Mother."  
  
"Then what the hell are you doing talking about giving up?"   
Akane let her anger boil over. She knew she shouldn't be yelling at   
her sister - her only companion in the world, her only friend - but   
there was just so much tension. "You cowardly bitch! You can't   
handle a little physical discomfort for the sake of your family!"  
  
Nabiki's eyes widened at Akane's words, and her gaze turned   
arctic. "The only thing we'll ever achieve by fighting against NERV   
is joining the rest of them! I know you're a fearless warrior and you   
want to rush right up to your own death, but maybe I'm not ready for   
mine!"  
  
Akane opened her mouth to scream back at Nabiki, but suddenly   
her mouth was dry. She sat down on the floor, feeling all the   
strength drain from her body. "Oh, shit."  
  
Nabiki stared at Akane in mortification as she realized what the   
two of them had been doing. "Oh my god, Akane... I'm so sorry..."   
She knelt down next to her younger sister, putting a hand on her   
shoulder.  
  
Akane put her hand over her sister's, trying to blink back tears   
from her eyes. "Don't be sorry; it was my fault. I'm sorry, Nabiki.   
I shouldn't have said those things about you. I know you'll never   
forget... what happened. I guess I just..."  
  
Nabiki sat down on the floor next to her, hugging her tightly.   
"Shh. I know. I know." She felt Akane shake with soft, silent sobs,   
and she found herself wishing that she could cry, too. She hadn't   
cried in a long time. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't   
find the tears.  
  
"Oh god, Nabiki..." Akane managed between crying. "It's so hard   
to keep going..."  
  
"Shh. Don't worry. It'll be alright." The soft, meaningless   
words left Nabiki's throat, and left a bitter taste behind. They both   
knew it would never be 'alright'. Not much ever was.  
  
***  
  
A Neon Genesis/Ranma 1/2 Elseworlds Saga  
By Dan Riley...  
  
Landscape of the Soul  
  
Chapter 1  
Dark City, Dark Mind  
Part 1  
Shattered Minds & Broken Hearts  
  
***  
  
no man ever does that under the first fury of despair or remorse or   
bereavement he does it only when he has realised that even the despair   
or remorse or bereavement is not particularly important to the dark   
diceman  
-William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury  
  
***  
  
Shinji Ikari watched as the water dripped in a small, constant   
rivulet down his face; falling off his nose and chin, and from wet   
strands of his dark hair. Watching the droplets falling through the   
air, for a second a frozen shard of beauty in movement, falling hardly   
a foot to where they met the tile, mingling with the water sliding   
inexorably toward the small drain. Sometimes Shinji envied the water.  
  
He sat curled up in the corner of the spacious shower of the   
ANGEL First Division suite. The cold water sprayed down over him,   
pebbling his skin with a cool caress, but Shinji didn't react to it -   
not even to shiver.  
  
Shinji rocked back and forth slightly, his dark eyes focused on   
the rivulets of water inches from his eyes, feeling the tactile   
sensation of the cold water running over him. Feeling the sensation   
and not feeling at the same time.  
  
Sometimes Shinji envied the water.  
  
Shinji said nothing when he heard the curtain pulled slowly   
open.  
  
"I thought I would find you here."  
  
Rei Ayanami's soft voice, devoid of emotion, broke the monopoly   
the water had on sound. She seemed uncaring of Shinji's nudity -   
indeed, after years of being around the strange girl, Shinji was quite   
sure that she was uncaring of his nudity, and so treated it the same   
way she did.  
  
"Water, off." At his verbal command, the shower shut off, and   
Shinji shivered as the cold liquid stopped pouring down over him,   
leaving only the cold air to caress his flesh. He watched a moment   
longer, until the rivulets running from his hair and chin and nose   
became less constant. "We have a mission." He stated it as a fact,   
rather than a question.  
  
"Yes. We are to be in the briefing room at 02:00."  
  
Shinji nodded, shaking a few droplets loose, as he watched the   
last of the water drain away. "What time is it?"  
  
"01:47."  
  
"Mm." He stood up, shivering again as the water clinging to his   
skin began to slide off. "You can go. I'll be there."  
  
Rei's deep, crimson gaze never even came close to wavering from   
his face. "I will see you there." She turned and left, leaving the   
room silent and cold, and very empty.  
  
Shinji walked slowly over to the edge of the shower, feeling the   
cold, hard tiles beneath his bare feet, and picked up a towel. After   
drying himself off, he sat down on the bench next to his clothes,   
running a hand through his hair and sighing.  
  
"A mission."  
  
***  
  
"A mission!" Asuka Sohryu Langley punched the bag in front of   
her energetically, leaving a small indentation of her fist. "Thanks   
for the good news, Toji."  
  
Toji Suzuhara smiled slightly behind his dark shades from where   
he leant against the wall, his dark leather jacket crinkling softly.   
"We've gotta be there by 02:00. You better hurry."  
  
Asuka glanced up at the clock on the wall of the gym, noting the   
time. "Scheiss! What are they thinking? I don't want to go to a   
briefing all sweaty after my workout! I don't even have time to take   
a shower!"  
  
Toji grinned lopsidedly. "Sorry Pretty, but your personal   
convenience ain't high on Commander Ikari's list of priorities."  
  
"Well, it should be." Asuka grabbed Toji's hand as she ran by,   
towards the locker room. "C'mon, we've gotta hurry!"  
  
***  
  
Gendo Ikari saw the world through red-tinted glasses. He sat at   
the head of the conference table in the center of the opulently   
furnished briefing room, his elbows leant on the surface, white-gloved   
hands folded in front of his mouth. Together with the glasses, his   
hands ensured that no emotion showed on his face. As he began to   
speak, he absently pushed his glasses up.  
  
"Welcome, ANGELs. Please, take a seat."   
  
The four young men and women sat around the conference table.  
  
"What's up, boss-man?" Toji asked irreverently.  
  
Gendo peered at him over the rims of his red-tinted glasses and   
cleared his throat before answering.  
  
"There's been a burst of heavy psychic activity in sector A-9.   
We believe it's the Red Fang Clan; we've already lost six PR Droids."  
  
Toji frowned. "Damn Red Fang numbskulls. You'd think they'd   
learn their lesson after having their asses whooped a few-hundred   
times."  
  
Asuka laughed. "The Red Fangs never learn; you should know that   
by now."  
  
Shinji glanced at Rei. She was watching the Commander, not   
giving any sign that she even noticed the prattle of the Second   
Division ANGEL team. He sighed and turned to his father. "So what is   
our mission?"  
  
Gendo cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up his nose and   
then returning to his inscrutable hands-in-front-of-mouth pose. "Yes.   
Well. The First Division is to spearhead a direct attack on what we   
believe to be the headquarters of the psychic malcontents. Meanwhile,   
the Second Division is to keep an eye on the nearby Hellgate, and take   
care of any Red Fangs who happen to flee in their direction."  
  
"What?!" Asuka cried incredulously, leaning out of her seat.   
"So we're supposed to just sit around and baby-sit an inactive   
Hellgate? Why aren't we spearheading the assault? Toji and I both   
have higher combat grades than Shinji does!"  
  
Gendo frowned at her. "Are you questioning my orders, Miss   
Langley?"  
  
Asuka paled and sat back down. "No, sir. Of course not."  
  
*That's my father,* Shinji thought. *An explanation wouldn't be   
enigmatic enough for him. He really believes in a 'need to know'   
basis. And there isn't very much that we ever need to know.*  
  
"Now, I want you all to be suited up in your EVAs and in your   
respective launching bays within five minutes."  
  
The four ANGELs filed out of the room, leaving Commander Gendo   
Ikari by himself. He smiled slightly.  
  
***  
  
EVA.  
  
Exoskeleton: Version ANGEL.  
  
The most powerful and advanced suit of bionic armor available,   
the EVAs were of necessity heavily shielded against both physical and   
psionic intrusion, and increased the pilot's physical and mental   
capabilities exponentially.  
  
It looked like a loose piece of plastic clothing and a dark-  
visored helmet. Shinji stood in the EVA, which hung loosely about   
him, and watched as Rei pressed the pressurization button on her   
wrist. Immediately her EVA, which had hung about her slight frame   
like loose folds of skin, compressed with a slight hiss of expelled   
air into a skintight suit of white and blue. She put her helmet on,   
hiding her face behind the dark psy-resistant glass. Shinji sighed   
and followed suit.  
  
As Shinji attached his jo-sticks to his wrists, a small window   
with Captain Katsuragi's head and shoulders appeared on the inside of   
his visor.  
  
"Systems check status, everyone?" Misato asked over the com   
system in her business-like tone. Shinji had come to know that Misato   
was two totally different people when on- and off-the-job.  
  
"All systems are normal." Rei's soft voice floated through his   
helmet.  
  
"It looks alright." Shinji said.  
  
"Everything checks out here," Asuka chimed in.  
  
"Looks like we're all functioning, Misato," Toji put in   
sardonically.  
  
"Good, then we're going to commence launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."  
  
As Misato said 'one', Shinji saw the bay doors of the launch bay   
open, then he kicked in his flight system. He moved swiftly and   
silently out of the launch bay, Rei following a moment behind.  
  
The EVAs did not fly using boost systems or jet-packs; instead   
they mechanically enhanced the pilot's inherent psychic talents, who   
then through the power of the suit used a form of telekinesis to move.   
It required slight mental exertion, but didn't need any fuel other   
than thought.  
  
The dark landscape of Tokyo-3 spread beneath them, the titanic   
bulk of steel and glass that was NERV headquarters falling behind   
them. The buildings were uniformly tall, imposing, and colored a dark   
gray. Streets were dirty and crowded, and dark vapors filled the air.   
The giant air filtration systems which hummed constantly in the   
background weren't really sufficient to clean the air. Many of the   
buildings were ruined, condemned, or crumbling. *There's a reason this place is called the Dark City.*  
  
Misato's voice broke in over the com. "Sector 9-A is now   
highlighted on your map. The target building should be marked on   
Shinji's and Rei's, and the Hellgate should be marked on Asuka's and   
Toji's."  
  
Shinji spent a thought bringing up the map, and changed his   
vector slightly to head toward the suspected headquarters.  
  
Rei's image appeared on Shinji's visor; apparently it was a   
personal communication. "Shall you take point or shall I?" The   
question was asked without emotion. She said it the same way she   
might say 'Who shall serve tea?'  
  
Shinji sighed. "You can. I'm not looking forward to this."  
  
"Don't let that get in the way of the mission."  
  
"Don't worry, I can handle it."  
  
Rei's window blinked out, and Shinji saw her speed past him,   
slowing down to a constant speed about a dozen yards ahead. Her EVA   
was surrounded with the slight heat-mirage effect of psychic energy   
manipulation.  
  
Asuka's voice broke in. "Toji and I are in position at the   
Hellgate. Looks dead as a doorknob, and just about as dangerous."  
  
Toji. "Don't let it get to you, Pretty. We'll have plenty of   
action next time."  
  
Now Misato. "Alright, take up guard positions. I want everyone   
to start a psionic sweep of the area; look for any active auras."  
  
Shinji complied, sending his thoughts scouting out ahead with   
the power of his EVA.  
  
Rei. "I detect a strong concentration of active auras in the   
target building."  
  
Toji. "So do I. It looks like our info was dead on."  
  
Shinji merely cradled his thoughts around the group of auras   
they were all focussed on, probing a little deeper. *They know we're   
coming.* He kept silent.  
  
Misato. "Alright, Division 1, begin the assault. I want as   
little collateral damage as possible here - we don't know what might   
set that Hellgate off."  
  
Rei. "Affirmative."  
  
With a strong burst of psychic energy, Rei rocketed toward the   
building in her EVA.  
  
***  
  
TRANSCRIPT OF MISSION 204A  
ANGEL FIRST AND SECOND DIVISIONS.  
  
Rei: "Affirmative."  
  
[Radio silence for a few moments. Then the sound of combat.]  
  
Rei: "I have engaged the enemy. They are armed with pulse carbines.   
EVA armor at 92%."  
  
Misato: "Shinji, move forward and engage."  
  
Shinji: "Yes, Captain."  
  
Asuka: "Scheiss. Those two get all the good parts."  
  
Misato: "Asuka, keep quiet unless it's something about the mission."  
  
Asuka: "Fine."  
  
Shinji: "The group I'm engaged with is routing. [there is a loud   
explosion in the background.] Holy shit! What was that?"  
  
Toji: "I'm detecting a huge energy fluctuation at Rei's location!"  
  
Misato: "Rei, are you alright? Confirm please."  
  
Rei: "...One of the psychics set off some sort of explosive device.   
Armor down to 54%. Most of them were killed by the blast."  
  
Misato: "Kamikaze tactics...?"  
  
Shinji: "I've taken care of the last one in my area. Armor holding   
steady at 92%. Are you sure you're alright, Rei?"  
  
Rei: "I am unhurt. Pursuing energy signatures detected downstairs."  
  
Misato: "Shinji, go with her."  
  
Shinji: "Understood."  
  
Toji: "Hey, I'm detecting spikes in the energy wavelength of the   
Hellgate."  
  
Asuka: "Visual confirmation: it's opening alright."  
  
Misato: "Shit! The two of you, prepare for battle."  
  
Asuka: "Yes! Finally."  
  
Toji: "Sorry, Pretty, but this doesn't look like something to   
celebrate about."  
  
[Roars in the background; impacts and explosions. Asuka cursing.]  
  
Asuka: "There's way too many of them! We've never faced such a   
concentrated attack before."  
  
Shinji: "Strange. There's no sign of the psychics anywhere on this   
floor. The energy readings say they should be here."  
  
Rei: "Are we to withdraw and aid Division 2?"  
  
Misato: "Yes. Shinji, Rei-"  
  
Gendo: [cutting in.] "No. Remain in the building. Priority here is   
exterminating the psychics."  
  
Misato: "...Alright, scratch previous order. Shinji, Rei, keep   
looking."  
  
Asuka: "Armor integrity is falling fast; I'm down to 39%. We need   
some help out here!"  
  
Toji: "Aargh! Damn."  
  
Asuka: "Toji!"  
  
Misato: "Shit! Sir..."  
  
Gendo: "No. Division 1 is to continue its current activities."  
  
Shinji: "Aah! They're phasing out of the ceiling! They've got N^2   
grenades!"  
  
Rei: "Detonation imminent..."  
  
Misato: "Oh my god..."  
  
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!]  
  
END TRANSCRIPT  
  
***  
  
Misato tore the headphones off, throwing them on the floor   
violently, as everyone in the command room looked in awe at the blank   
white viewscreen - a sign of N^2 interference.   
  
She turned to stare furiously at Commander Ikari, who sat in his   
usual inscrutable pose. Only he seemed calm - even the normally   
unperturbed Fuyutsuki seemed surprised, standing behind him and to his   
left. *Damn cold son-of-a-bitch! His son probably just died, and I   
bet he's smiling behind those damn hands of his!*  
  
"Well Commander, I hope you're happy."  
  
"Captain Katsuragi," he spoke from behind his white-gloved   
hands. "You are bordering on insubordination. Kindly save your   
judgement until the final data is in, and the pilots are confirmed   
either living or dead."  
  
Misato stared at him furiously, her mouth working silently,   
until Shigeru spoke up suddenly from his station.  
  
"Captain! We've got vital signs confirmed for pilots 02 and 03!   
Toji's is very weak, but Asuka seems merely unconscious."  
  
Instantly, Misato was at his side. "What about Shinji and Rei?"  
  
"They were closer to the center of the blast, so it will take   
another moment for the interference there to clear up."  
  
Misato turned to look at the Commander. "Should we send   
retrieval drones to pick up Asuka and Toji?"  
  
"Wait for confirmation on Shinji and Rei."  
  
Misato frowned, but turned back to gaze intently at Shigeru's   
screen.  
  
"Life-signs confirmed for pilots 00 and 01!" Shigeru breathed   
after a long moment of tense waiting. "Looks like everyone's   
alright."  
  
Gendo nodded. "Good. Dispatch retrieval drones. Fuyutsuki."   
He stood up and left the room, the gray-haired doctor following   
behind.  
  
Misato slumped down into the nearest chair. "Thank god. They   
all survived this one."  
  
***  
  
"Looks like you all managed to survive another one," Ritsuko   
said, shaking her head as she powered down the scanning machine after   
checking Shinji, Asuka, and Rei. "The three of you escaped with   
hardly a scratch."  
  
"But what about Toji?" Asuka asked worriedly as she slipped off   
of the examination table. "Is he alright?"  
  
Ritsuko paused before switching off the power. "...Toji was hit   
much harder by the blast than you three. His armor was down to 12%   
when it happened."  
  
Asuka gasped softly. "Will he... live?"  
  
Shinji watched Ritsuko carefully as she answered.  
  
"Yes. His life isn't in any real danger - he's just going to   
need some time to recuperate."  
  
She wasn't telling the whole truth.  
  
Rei calmly put her shoes on, then slipped out of the room.   
Shinji watched her go. *She was so calm, even right before the   
explosion. I knew she was... but even so...* He slipped through the   
door after her.  
  
Asuka grabbed hold of Dr. Akagi's hand, looking up at the blonde   
woman imploringly. "You're sure he'll be all right?"  
  
Ritsuko opened her mouth, then caught sight of Asuka's eyes, and   
hesitated. "...Yes, Asuka. He's going to be fine."  
  
***  
  
Shinji hurried to catch up to Rei as she walked down the hall   
toward her apartment. Her wolf-like mane of blue hair bobbed slightly   
as she walked.  
  
He caught up to her. "Rei."  
  
She turned to look at him, her crimson eyes slightly curious.   
"Yes?"  
  
Now that he had caught up to her, he wasn't entirely sure what   
to say. "Ah - are you alright?"  
  
"I am fine. Dr. Akagi detected no serious injuries."  
  
"Well, I knew that... I sort of meant, you know, mentally."  
  
She looked at him, her head tilted curiously, as the two of them   
continued walking down the hall. "I am not entirely sure what you   
mean... I am sane."  
  
Shinji shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I... I guess   
I just wanted to know if you wanted to... you know, talk about it."  
  
Rei cocked her head a little further. "Why? Do you wish to...   
'talk about it'?"  
  
Shinji was taken aback by her question. "Well... yeah... yeah,   
I guess I do..."  
  
"You may talk to me if you wish."  
  
Shinji didn't know why, but he felt like he wanted to speak to   
Rei. Although he had known the strange, silent girl for years, he   
hadn't really talked to her much more than their position required.   
In fact, no one had. No one except his father. It had often bothered   
him; the strange relationship that his father and Rei shared, one   
which was absent between his parent and himself.  
  
"Dr. Akagi wasn't telling the truth about Toji." He started   
with a grim thought, one that had been bugging him since he left the   
examination room.  
  
"I know."  
  
Shinji glanced at her, a bit surprised. *I should've expected   
her to know more than she let on.* "Do you think he'll be okay?"  
  
"I don't know. I believe he shall survive."  
  
Shinji nodded. He didn't know why, but when Rei said it, he   
believed it. "That's good."  
  
"Yes. He would be difficult to replace."  
  
"That's not really what I meant."  
  
"What did you mean?"  
  
"I would be sad if Toji died. He's a... well, not really a   
friend, but a comrade. And Asuka would be devastated."  
  
Rei seemed to consider this for a moment. "...Why would she be   
devastated?"  
  
Shinji glanced at her. Maybe she really was unaware of certain   
things. "Well, because they're lovers. People are sad when someone   
they're in a relationship with dies, and Asuka is very emotional."  
  
Again, Rei considered. "Lovers... Yes, I think that Langley's   
efficiency would be damaged if Suzuhara died."  
  
Shinji was taken aback by her calmly logical statement.   
"Well... yes, I guess it would... but that wasn't really what I   
meant..."  
  
"I find it difficult to discern what you mean. I do not   
understand the concept of relationships well."  
  
Shinji paused to think. How to explain something as simple as a   
relationship? "Well... You and I are in a relationship."  
  
Rei stopped to look at him, her head tilted. "Are we...   
lovers?"  
  
Shinji blushed, and waved his hands negatingly. "No! Th-that's   
not the only type of relationship! Our relationship is that we are   
pilots together - this causes us to act and feel certain ways toward   
each other."  
  
"Do you mean cooperation?"  
  
"Well, that's part of it. I was talking more about   
camaraderie... friendship."  
  
"Are we friends, then?"  
  
Shinji studied the question from different sides. "Well, I'd   
like to think so. I believe that I am your friend, at least."  
  
Then they had come to Rei's apartment. The door was small and   
simple, a reflection of the rooms inside, identical to his. Asuka and   
Toji shared a slightly larger suite. Rei opened the door and stepped   
inside, Shinji watching. She turned and looked at him for a moment.  
  
"I am your friend, Ikari."  
  
She closed the door behind her, leaving Shinji alone in the   
hallway. He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and set off   
for his own apartment.  
  
***  
  
NEWS REPORT, 06:30 TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2018  
NERV PUBLIC RELATIONS  
  
//The details of this morning's events in Sector A-9 have just been   
released to the press.//  
  
//It appears that two opposing psychic clans engaged in a large-scale   
psychic battle near an unstable Hellgate. A group of Heaven's Dragon   
psychics were apparently attacked by a large force of Red Fang   
members, who purposefully did something to open the Hellgate. The   
four young ANGEL pilots were dispatched in an effort to stop the   
battle, and ended up being caught in the blast as energy poured out of   
the Hellgate. Both groups of psychics were eradicated.//  
  
//NERV has stated that all four pilots survived with little more than   
bruises, and that the rebel force was eradicated.//  
  
//That's all for the news at half past the hour. Stay tuned for   
07:30, with updated information from NERV on the events in Sector A-  
9.//  
  
"Okay, we're off the air."  
  
"Damn public relations lies. Leaves a sour taste in my mouth every   
time."  
  
"Just don't say that too loudly, or you'll have to deal with something   
worse than a sour taste."  
  
***  
  
Gendo turned to Fuyutsuki. "It appears that the migration was   
successful. Servant has reported to me that all the expected arrivals   
have reported."  
  
The older man nodded slowly, his hands folded behind his back.   
"It looks like everything is going according to plan." He didn't   
sound entirely happy about it.  
  
"Are you having second thoughts?"  
  
"Those passed by long ago; these are two-hundredth. But   
thinking doesn't change anything."  
  
"No; we're in too deep."  
  
Fuyutsuki sighed. "I still don't like it. What right have we   
to-"  
  
Gendo cut him off. "Best keep that train of thought to   
yourself. Not only is it ridiculous and counter-productive, SEELE   
won't like it."  
  
"No, I suppose they won't."  
  
"We have to bow and scrape to them a little longer."  
  
"Seems like we've had to do it forever already." He leaned over   
Gendo's desk and picked up a small plastic vial containing a minute   
sample of greenish liquid. "So, this is what it boils down to..."  
  
"Yes. We'll have our next pilot soon."  
  
Gendo Ikari sat back. "I want you to call Dr. Akagi up here."  
  
***  
  
dark  
  
dark water deep ocean bottom currents  
  
strong currents pulling pulling me down got to get out got to   
get up got to breathe  
  
Toji came awake as though out of deep waters, the world around   
him coming slowly and reluctantly into focus. It seemed like every   
cell of his body reverberated with dull, throbbing pain. He could   
tell that he was on some serious painkillers, too. That didn't seem   
good.  
  
His arm was itchy. Really itchy, but even so he was almost to   
tired to itch it.  
  
Finally the itch outgrew the lethargy, and he reached over to   
itch his arm.  
  
He didn't have an arm.  
  
***  
  
Ranma Saotome looked up at the dark city stretching up to meet   
the equally dark skyline, and wrinkled his nose at the polluted air.   
At the city limits stood a sign, rising from the infertile ground at a   
slant. It proclaimed 'Welcome to Tokyo-3', but Tokyo-3 was crossed   
out, replaced by 'hell', written in red spray-paint.  
  
Ranma could not help but smirk at the sign. "I suppose then   
that I am walking into the bowels of Hell... ironic, and poetic too."  
  
He looked back the way he had came, not only with his eyes, but   
with his second sight. They were gaining ground on him. The Mirror   
Shard Clan was close to eradicated now - he was one of the last, and   
it appeared he was on everyone's hit list.  
  
He looked back at the dark city before him, and began a steady   
jog toward it.  
  
"Though I walk through the shadow..."  
  
He passed into the shadow of the city's buildings, and faded   
away like a shadow himself.  
  
Ranma Saotome was in Tokyo-3.  
  
***  
  
End part 1: Dark City, Dark Mind  
  
  
  
  
Part 2: Try, Try Again  
  
***  
  
"Miss Langley?"  
  
Asuka looked up from her seat on the plush sofa in the waiting   
room of the NERV-HQ Surgery Ward. "Yes?" Anxiety was clear in her   
voice, as well as in the way she wrung her hands absently.  
  
Maya Ibuki almost couldn't stop herself from going over and   
hugging the girl to comfort her; that was the type of person she was.   
As it was, all she could do was say "He's ready for visitors. He's   
still unconscious, but you can see him if you want to." Professional   
detachment and all that.  
  
Immediately, Asuka stood up. "How did it go?"  
  
"The surgery went by without a hitch. He should be out of the   
hospital within a few days, due to those new machines which   
psychically enhance his healing rate." Maya herself was still   
marveling at the remarkable devices.  
  
Asuka nodded, and followed Maya nervously into the patient's   
room.  
  
Toji lay on the pristine hospital bed, obscured partly by   
various mechanical apparatus and IV tubes. Everything but his head   
was covered by a soft white sheet. His eyes were closed, giving him   
the appearance of peaceful sleep, softening the cynical lines of his   
face.  
  
"Toji..." Asuka breathed, kneeling down next to his bedside.   
Maya watched for a moment, then backed silently out of the door,   
closing it and leaving the couple alone.  
  
Asuka reached under the sheet and took hold of Toji's hand.  
  
***  
  
A screech broke the silence, causing Maya to look up from her   
console worriedly. "What in the world--?"  
  
Ritsuko no more than glanced up. "Miss Langley must have   
discovered Mr. Suzuhara's new limbs."  
  
Maya turned to look at her boss, somewhat horrified. "You   
didn't tell her?"  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, speaking calmly. "The three unharmed   
ANGELs had to appear at the press conference this morning - it would   
have been difficult to control what Langley said if she knew how badly   
Suzuhara was hurt."  
  
Maya started to stand up. "I should go help her..."  
  
Ritsuko waved her down. "I'm sure within another moment Miss   
Langley will be out here causing a ruckus. Luckily, all the reporters   
have already gone."  
  
Sure enough... "RITSUKO!! What the hell did you do to Toji?!"  
  
Dr. Akagi stood calmly and turned to face a dangerously angry   
Asuka Sohryu Langley. She fairly glowed with rage; quite an   
impressive sight, though it didn't seem to impress Ritsuko.  
  
"Do you have a complaint, Miss Langley?"  
  
"Complaint my fucking ass! You chopped his goddamn arm off!!"  
  
"Please, Miss Langley, your language. We did not chop his arm   
off."  
  
Maya watched in awe as her boss rode smoothly over Asuka's   
righteous anger.  
  
"Then what is that damn metal... thing attached to his   
shoulder?" Asuka was on the verge of tears.  
  
Ritsuko sighed. "Mr. Suzuhara was damaged more by the explosion   
than we at first thought. The intense psychic energy had the effect   
of weakening the cellular bonds of his exposed flesh, due to the   
decomposition of his EVA's armor. His left arm and leg literally   
dissolved a few hours after he was brought to the medical wing. We   
had no choice but to attach cybernetic prosthesis limbs."  
  
"Oh my god, on his leg too..." Asuka seemed overwhelmed by this   
new information and sank down to the floor, there in the medical   
office.  
  
Ritsuko leaned down and put an arm around her shoulder. "Don't   
worry, Asuka, he'll be fine. And those limbs are so advanced that   
they will function at 96% of the efficiency of his real arm."  
  
A few tears slid silently from Asuka's wide eyes. "But... But   
they're so... cold..." She shivered.  
  
Ritsuko helped her up, and led her zombie-like into another   
patient's room. Maya watched the door until a moment later, Dr. Akagi   
came out, closing the door softly behind her. She glanced at Maya,   
and spoke softly. "I gave her a mild sedative - she should sleep for   
an hour or two. I want you to watch over her and Mr. Suzuhara; I have   
to go make a report to Commander Ikari."  
  
Maya nodded silently, watching her boss leave the room. *Is   
that what being a doctor means? Alternating cold and warmth...?* She   
wasn't sure that she could handle the cold part.  
  
Shaking her head, Maya Ibuki settled down to go back to her   
work.  
  
***  
  
Shinji Ikari looked up as a slight shadow suddenly obscured his   
small tray of food. He sat in the Cafeteria, deep within NERV-HQ, and   
he wasn't used to being disturbed while he ate. That Shinji Ikari   
belonged alone seemed a given in the daily life of NERV. Certainly   
his father followed that unspoken rule religiously.  
  
Rei Ayanami stood over him, dressed in a soft pastel-blue T-  
shirt and matching skirt. She had a tray of food in her hands, and   
seemed uncharacteristically unsure of herself. Her crimson eyes held   
hesitation.  
  
"Uh, h-hello, Rei..." Shinji found himself suddenly self-  
conscious.  
  
As if suddenly deciding on something, Rei sat down across the   
table from Shinji. "Hello, Ikari." Her soft voice held no hint of   
the strange show of emotion, almost making Shinji believe it had been   
his imagination.  
  
For a few moments the two sat silently, poking at their food.   
Then Shinji spoke up.  
  
"So... what brings you here? I don't think you usually eat in   
the cafeteria."  
  
"No, I do not." She looked at her food as she spoke, seeming to   
hesitate. "Was I mistaken in believing that friends often eat   
together?"  
  
For a moment, Shinji didn't know what she was talking about.   
Then, their conversation of the previous day came back. "Oh! No, no,   
you weren't mistaken. Is that why you came here to eat?"  
  
She nodded. "Yes."  
  
Shinji looked at his food, not really sure what to say. "Well,   
um..."  
  
Rei took a bite of food with her chopsticks, chewed, swallowed,   
then spoke. It had an eerily pre-planned feeling to it; as though,   
lacking experience in the social arena but knowing what was expected,   
she mechanically went through the motions without really understanding   
them. "So, how is the weather?"  
  
"Um, what?"  
  
Rei blinked. "I was attempting to make small-talk. Did I do   
something wrong?"  
  
Shinji shook his head, and couldn't keep himself from smiling.   
"No, you didn't do anything wrong."  
  
But Rei appeared even more confused. "Did I make a joke? You   
seem amused."  
  
"No, you didn't make a joke, it's just... where did you learn to   
make 'small-talk'?"  
  
"From Commander Ikari. I asked him yesterday how to go about   
being a friend. He told me that friends make small talk. Are you   
sure I have not done something wrong?"  
  
"No, you haven't done anything wrong. I suppose my father is   
probably not the perfect person to get social advice from... on the   
other hand, neither am I." He turned to her, smiling a bit   
lopsidedly. "How about if we make our social blunders together?"  
  
"We are going to try to make mistakes?"  
  
"That's not really what I meant..."  
  
"I am not very good at being a friend, am I?"  
  
"Being a friend isn't something you can be good or bad at... you   
kind of just are. Don't worry though, since neither of us are used to   
it, we'll try to get through it together." Shinji found the remote   
girl's slightly bumbling attempts to socialize strangely endearing,   
and found himself in a more amiable mood than usual. It seemed even   
Rei had caught on to the mood.  
  
"Alright. Thank you, Ikari." Rei took another bite of food, a   
bit more naturally this time.  
  
"Oh, and Rei... if we are going to be friends, you really should   
call me 'Shinji' instead of 'Ikari'."  
  
She looked at him, and he thought he detected a trace of warmth   
in her strange eyes. "Alright... Shinji."  
  
The two settled in to eat their lunches amid a fairly   
comfortable silence.  
  
***  
  
Akane bent the blinds that covered the window, looking out into   
the dark alleyway outside. She brushed her fingers absently along the   
hilt of her synchro-blade, a sign of anxiety. Outside, muted gray   
rain beat a steady rhythm on the concrete.  
  
*Where is she? It's not like her to be late.*  
  
She turned back to the room - even smaller than the living room   
of her apartment, this room really was no larger than a closet. There   
was a single, faded armchair, one door, one window, and a rack of   
firearms. Akane was armed with a pulse blaster as well as her   
synchro-blade.  
  
She sank into the chair with a sigh.  
  
*Dammit, Nabiki. God, I hope nothing's happened.*  
  
A small clanking noise outside caught her ears, sending her   
instantly to full alert. Sliding her synchro-blade out of its sheath,   
she switched it on, activating the psychic aura which would   
synchronize with whatever object it touched, allowing it to cut   
through materials that it would not normally be able to. With a   
slight electronic hum, the blade was surrounded with that tiny heat-  
mirage effect that was a signature of psychic power.  
  
Akane slipped over to the window, shifting the blinds to peer   
out.  
  
The rain had worsened somewhat, casting a gloomy gray shade over   
the world. The alley appeared empty.  
  
Then there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Nabiki?" Akane hissed. "Is that you?"  
  
The door burst open as a levitating hulk of machinery leveled an   
appendage which seemed made up entirely of bristling weaponry at the   
startled young woman. With a shout, Akane rolled desperately to the   
side, grunting as she came up against the far wall, just as the metal   
hulk unleashed a furious barrage of pure energy which devastated the   
wall behind where Akane had stood.  
  
The PR Droid, noticing that its target had escaped destruction,   
advanced slowly, the hum of its antigrav repulsors filling the tiny   
room. It waved its arsenal of an arm before it as it floated forward,   
and this was the first thing Akane saw from her hiding place behind   
the armchair.  
  
So it was the first thing she cut off.  
  
The synchro-blade sliced through the Droid's appendage easily,   
and Akane turned and slashed again, cutting a deep gash into its main   
body armor. The metal monster seemed unperturbed by its wounds   
however, and a plate in its chest slid open to reveal the muzzle of   
another energy weapon.  
  
Akane dived through the hole in the back wall caused by the PR   
Droid's earlier barrage, rolling to come up in a ready stance as the   
thing advanced through the opening.  
  
"Aaaagh!" With a cry, Akane charged the PR Droid, slicing down   
with all her might at the sensor cluster that served as the thing's   
head. That levitating monster stood for everything that was NERV -   
everything she hated, everything that had hurt her.  
  
With a resounding *crack!*, the synchro-blade sliced cleanly   
through the sensor cluster, and continued, cleaving the PR Droid in   
half. Akane stood, breathing hard, over the two halves of shorting   
machinery, her synchro-blade still held ready.  
  
"Look out Akane!!"  
  
Instinctively, she threw herself to the ground, covering her   
head as explosions, dangerously nearby, rocked her body. Looking up,   
she saw Nabiki leap through a nearby window, tailed by a cloud of   
shattered glass. Her sister came up in a tight roll, coming to rest   
with her pulse blaster aimed over Akane's head.  
  
"Don't move!!"  
  
Akane pressed herself as close to the ground as she could   
manage, wincing as the hot energy streamed frighteningly close above   
her unprotected head.  
  
Turning, Akane saw another PR Droid, the armor over its core   
system blasted and melted, crash to the ground. Her sister's   
marksmanship never failed to amaze her.  
  
Akane stood up slowly, shaking her head and rubbing a scrape on   
her forearm. It was only then that she noticed the steady rain   
soaking through her thin clothing. Funny how things receded into the   
background during combat.  
  
Nabiki stood up as well, holstering her pistol and coming to   
stand next to her sister.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Akane nodded, switching off her synchro-blade. "Yeah. So what   
happened?"  
  
She shrugged. "A security system that wasn't on the blueprint   
caught sight of me. I had to deal with two or three of those." She   
waved at the smoking hulk that she had taken out.  
  
Akane shook her head. "You have to learn to not trust   
blueprints completely. They always leave at least one trap out."  
  
"We've been over this before, and I'm too tired to listen to it   
again. The mission's a bust, anyway. What say we head home?"  
  
Akane looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Alright. End   
simulation."  
  
Nabiki took off her CR helmet, and as she was unlacing the   
gloves glanced at Akane, who was doing the same thing.  
  
"You weren't as effective as usual against that Public Relations   
Droid back there. Is something bothering you?"  
  
Akane sighed as she shook her hair out after pulling off her   
helmet. "Yeah. For the last couple of hours I've just had this   
feeling like... I don't know, there's something we should be doing or   
someone we should be meeting." She glanced as her sister. "I sound a   
little crazy, don't I?"  
  
Nabiki laughed, tossing her gloves on the floor. "Akane, we're   
two young women taking on a force that controls a city by our little   
lonesome. We are a little crazy."  
  
Akane stuck her tongue out. "You know what I meant, 'Biki."  
  
"Of course I did. But life wouldn't be very fun if I didn't   
tease you now and again, now would it?"  
  
"I suppose not."  
  
The two left the CR room, which was the largest (though still   
not large) in their apartment, their arms amicably around one   
another's shoulders.  
  
"So who's this mystery guy we're supposed to meet?"  
  
"I don't know. But I think his name's Saotome."  
  
***  
  
Gendo Ikari looked over the rim of his red-tinted glasses at   
Fuyutsuki.  
  
"There has been a significant increase in overall psychic   
ambience in the city over the last two days?"  
  
The gray-haired doctor nodded. "Yes. Six percent. The Magi   
estimate that this means at least twenty psychics entered the city   
sometime yesterday or early this morning."  
  
"Hmm..." Gendo tapped his nose absently. "Magi, take that 6%   
increase in ambience and divide it by the highest-recorded psychic   
potential."  
  
The Magi's soft, feminine voice - the voice of doctor Ritsuko   
Akagi's mother - answered a moment later. "1.35677."  
  
Gendo nodded slightly. "So we've got either twenty normal   
psychics, or one the likes of which has never been recorded."  
  
Fuyutsuki frowned slightly. "Is there something which leads you   
to believe that it is only one extremely powerful psychic?"  
  
"Not in particular. But I try to know everything I can about a   
potential enemy. Speaking of which, has Sohjiro reported in yet?"  
  
Fuyutsuki shook his head. "He is now eight hours and twenty-six   
minutes overdo."  
  
Gendo stood up. "Inform Servant that I wish to have Sohjiro   
sent to me the moment he reports. I will be in sub-level 9."  
  
Fuyutsuki bowed slightly. "Yes, sir."  
  
***  
  
who...?  
  
who... am I?  
  
I... am...  
  
I am...  
  
I am  
Toji Suzuhara Asuka where are you where am I what is going on I   
cant feel my arm I dont have one god what happened to me what happened  
  
I am  
  
"Toji?"  
  
Asuka is that you where am I wheres my arm my leg my god my leg   
too please god let me be dreaming I am dreaming everything is dream   
mausoleum of hopes and dreams father father I have  
  
"Toji? Maya, I think he's waking up!"  
  
father father I have mother mother MOTHER WHAT DID THEY DO TO ME   
OH MY GOD MY ARM LEG GONE GONE COLD GOD DAMN MOTHER ASUKA  
  
"He's having some kind of seizure!! Hold him down, I've got to   
sedate him!"  
  
"Toji..."  
  
theyre taking me asuka dont let them dont let them asuka god   
cold cold against shoulder hip gone where to where where does it go   
when its gone dont let them take me mother asuka   
  
"I've never seen anything like this before..."  
  
"Oh Maya... tell me he'll be alright... please god..."  
  
world fades nothingness embraces  
  
***  
  
Shinji sat under the cold spray of the shower, feeling the water   
slide over him, watching the rivulets fall from his face. As always,   
the beauty of their fall fascinated him - the short bright life of   
movement through air to end in moments when inexorably the tile met   
them head on, death and dissolution, the one into the many... like   
returning to Eden...  
  
And he, sensations on the outside, external, never coming in   
never approaching his self his inside the part of him that was him  
  
Rei Ayanami  
  
That was inside.  
  
There wasn't much else.  
  
His father.  
  
He had never been inside never wanted to never wanted to see  
  
His mother she was gone didn't know him he wanted to know her   
sometimes he dreamt she was inside but that was only dream not life,   
in life nothing could get inside nothing wanted to even he wasn't   
really inside  
  
But there was Rei.  
  
She hadn't been there before but now she was he half wanted her   
out half wanted her deeper  
  
Half she doesn't belong inside there's no room inside for   
anything but you and even you aren't in only watching watching from   
outside like everyone  
  
but she was  
  
Half wanting her another inside another to know to touch to see   
to feel to be deeper inside in  
  
she hadn't been there but now she was  
  
now she was.  
  
"She is."  
  
Shinji looked up, feeling the water break over the crest of his   
head, flowing around him, dissolute. Maybe that could be inside too.  
  
father  
  
no not him not ever him  
  
"Water off."  
  
Shinji stood up, feeling the water run over his muscles nothing   
but water, and it was inside him or at least more than before. And   
that scared him the inside-ness frightened him more than the dark   
after or the light before, but it also felt...  
  
healthy.  
  
As he toweled himself off he thought.  
  
***  
  
Rei lay awake on her bed.  
  
***  
  
Sohjiro looked down at the city below him. It was dark, dusk   
bringing on new layers of darkness and shadows, darkest before the   
stars emerge.  
  
He liked it that way.  
  
The clouds gathering on the horizon, dark and angry, likely   
meant a thunder storm that night.  
  
He liked that too.  
  
The wild fury of Nature, howling and cracking with light and   
sound and power. Sometimes he rode the lightning on the wings of the   
night.  
  
He tossed his long, smooth mantle of dark hair behind him.   
Dark, shadowed hair, like night in the void, shades of black on black.   
At his side was his sword.  
  
Soon he would have to report to the NERV humans. He hated   
having to deal with them, hated being subservient to anyone but   
especially humans.  
  
After, though...  
  
Free to ride the night.  
  
He smiled at the thought.  
  
But work to do before then. He would have to report soon.  
  
But not yet.  
  
He leapt easily from the roof of the building he stood on to   
another, across the street, feeling the night air slide past his body,   
allowing him passage. Gravity had little hold on him, especially at   
night.  
  
Indulgence... He had not in a long time.  
  
He longed to slay, to feel blood run down his sword like in   
times long past.  
  
Not yet.  
  
But soon.  
  
He leapt from building to building through the city on his dark   
errand, the night parting before him and closing behind, as if   
welcoming one of its own.  
  
***  
  
Ranma Saotome watched the servant of darkness from the shadows   
of a higher building's rooftop.  
  
An example?  
  
Yes.  
  
It seemed to fit.  
  
The dreams would start soon.  
  
***  
  
End part 2: Try, Try Again  
  
End chapter 1: Dark City, Dark Mind  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
Well, I don't want to sound hackneyed, and say 'this is my first   
fanfic and I would really appreciate comments and criticisms etc.',   
but, well... this is my first fanfic, and I would appreciate comments   
and criticism... *sigh* Guess I sound hackneyed, don't I? -_^  
  
So, if you've got something to say, you can send it to me   
at feithecontact@secondimpact.com.  
  
Landscape of the Soul can be found at my website,   
come.to/feithecontact. 


	2. Truth in Dreams

Dreams...  
  
Like water slipping through the fingers, little fragments of   
remembrance slipping like sand through the hourglass, unstoppable   
inexorable  
  
Landscape of the mind, like an artist on acid colors and   
visions, truths and illusions all mingling into one everything to one  
  
flaps its wings  
  
fluttering the sound filling mind brain soul heart all one the   
same inside not out  
  
and somewhere else, minutiae of causation   
  
man who dreamt he was a butterfly woke and didnt know if he was   
man who dreamt he was butterfly or butterfly dreaming he was man  
  
what was real  
  
what is real  
  
What is real? Reality, not seeming, truth amidst illusion   
cause and effect  
  
am I real?  
  
what is 'I'?  
  
around, twisted landscape, clouds of fire frozen in time,   
stretching across dark sky. landscape of mind  
  
not my mind  
  
not my  
  
real?  
  
man. Tall, with black hair tied back in long ponytail,   
trailing to mid-back he: I am Ranma Saotome. Look for truth in   
dreams and reality in illusion. What was real is not and seeming   
finds gaps in the mind, hooks to entangle traps of consciousness   
What once you knew is strange, forgotten and gone, newness finds a   
foothold life is gone dark  
  
I: dark; there is fear in the dark darkness in dreams draws out   
fear makes it our own  
  
he: no not your own, from outside, communication without speech   
do not fear the dark for within lies  
  
flee from Eden...  
  
rushing away movement without form falling up and out beyond   
into lengths and distances unknowable far beyond boundaries of self   
and other dream fleeing consciousness stretches wakes  
  
shinjiakanenabiki wake leaving behind dream from out lungs   
flaring life after do not fear the dark for within  
  
Rei opened her eyes suddenly, sleep fleeing, gone in a flash of   
returning consciousness. She sat up slowly, the sheer white sheet   
falling from about her thin shoulders.  
  
Crimson eyes turned inward, she listened to what a real   
illusion had told her.  
  
***  
  
A Neon Genesis/Ranma 1/2 Elseworlds Saga  
By Dan Riley...  
  
Landscape of the Soul  
  
Chapter 2  
Truth in Dreams  
Part 1  
Moving Apart, Moving Together  
  
***  
  
Even on a black and empty street... if we go together... we might one   
day find something... like the moon that floats in the darkness.  
-Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, NGE manga vol. 3  
  
***  
  
Shinji sat in the spacious shower, feeling the cold water   
washing over him, prickling his skin in waves. He shivered ever so   
slightly, and watched the rivulets of water with even more intensity   
than usual.  
  
He didn't even hear the curtain whisk open a little.  
  
"Shinji."  
  
He was startled by her voice breaking in on him. He looked up   
to see her standing at the entrance to the shower, pale skin, blue   
hair, crimson eyes. Whatever other slight changes had taken place   
with her, she still paid no attention to his nudity.  
  
"What is it, Rei?"  
  
"Suzuhara is awake. I thought you might want to see him."  
  
Immediately, Shinji stood up. "Water off." He shook himself a   
little, watching the water droplets spin away, then walked over to   
the exit of the shower. Rei stepped aside to let him by. "Of course   
I want to see him," he said, picking up his towel and starting to dry   
off. "Do you know how he is?"  
  
She shook her head, her mane of hair seeming alive with the   
movement. "No. I came to get you before I saw him."  
  
He quickly shoved his pants on and tied his shoes, grabbing his   
shirt on his way out. "Asuka's been a wreck. I can't believe they   
had to amputate his arm and leg."  
  
Shinji and Rei both knew that Ritsuko had been fully aware that   
he had required such surgery from the start, and had kept it from   
them.  
  
He slipped on his shirt before opening the door, his hair   
uncombed and still damp, and set a brisk pace toward the medical   
wing. Rei followed at his side.  
  
The dim rumble of thunder could be heard, even within the   
bowels of NERV-HQ. Ahead, the door to the medical wing, proclaiming   
so with a plaque to the side. Shinji opened it and stepped through,   
Rei behind.  
  
Maya Ibuki looked up from her desk when they entered and   
smiled. "Hello Shinji, Rei. Toji and Asuka are in the second room   
on the left." She pointed with a pen in the general direction she   
meant before going back to her paperwork.  
  
Shinji hesitated a moment with his hand on the doorknob, before   
turning it and stepping inside. Asuka was sitting on a chair next to   
the bed Toji lay in, and both turned their heads as Shinji and Rei   
entered the room.  
  
Toji smiled, but his mouth had a cynical twist to it. "Hey   
there. Glad you could make it." He waved his hand - his cybernetic   
hand. The dull gray and black metal glinted softly in the light of   
the room. Shinji's eyes widened at the sight, And Asuka gasped   
softly, but Rei seemed unperturbed.  
  
"So, um... how are you feeling?" Shinji took a step into the   
room, feeling somewhat like an unwanted visitor.  
  
"Oh, beautiful. Mr. Societal Outcast has some pity to dole out   
for me. Save it for someone who cares."  
  
Shinji frowned and opened his mouth, but was interrupted by   
Rei.  
  
"It is good that you are recovering. Hellgate activity has   
been increasing steadily for the last twelve hours."  
  
Toji looked at her and burst out laughing. "I'm glad to hear   
that. Who would've thought that the Ice Girl would have something   
sentimental to say? Anyway, I'm really going to need to smash a few   
skulls once I'm well enough."  
  
"Toji," Asuka said softly, "They just wanted to know how you   
were feeling."  
  
"Shut the hell up. Shut the hell up! You don't know how I   
feel, and you don't give a shit! You feel obligated by your   
conscience to pay me a visit and hand out a little sympathy out of   
the kindness of your hearts... well, that's shit I don't need. Only   
Ice Girl doesn't pretend - she might be the best of us all, at that,   
the only honest one."  
  
"Toji!" Asuka was angry now, but her features were twisted   
with mixed feelings... love, pity, regret, anger, they all danced   
across her face.  
  
"Get out."  
  
"Hey, Toji, calm down." Shinji tried to placate him. "We   
really did just want to see how you were doing. Sorry if we bugged   
you."  
  
"Get the fuck out of here!"  
  
Rei quietly slipped out the door.  
  
"Toji, please, don't make me leave..." Asuka whispered, trying   
to take his hand. Roughly, he knocked her hand away.  
  
"GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!!"  
  
Shinji held the door open for Asuka, who looked back at Toji   
before walking out. He had his back turned to them, staring out the   
window at the dark, rain-washed scenery outside. Shinji left,   
shutting the door quietly behind him.  
  
Rei was waiting for him.  
  
"Where's Asuka?"  
  
Rei looked at the door, then back at Shinji. "She left, toward   
her apartments."  
  
Shinji turned to look at the door for a long moment, then   
sighed. As he turned to leave, Rei whispered softly, almost on the   
edge of hearing.  
  
"I... am sorry I could not help."  
  
Shinji turned. "With Toji?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm not sure we can help, unless he wants us to."  
  
He walked away, leaving Rei looking at the floor.  
  
"Ice Girl..."  
  
***  
  
Asuka shut the door quietly behind her, walking over to the   
table and sitting down, elbows leant on the smooth surface, face in   
hands.  
  
I won't cry.  
  
What the hell is he thinking I we only wanted to help how could   
he  
  
I won't.  
  
She stood up, the legs of the chair scraping across the floor,   
jarring the quiet. She turned to the refrigerator, opening it, and   
looked at the items held inside.  
  
Shinji even Rei they came to see how he was doing and he  
  
how could he  
  
I won't.  
  
He's hurting needs to lash out needs to hurt I need to help him   
be there for him but still how could he how dare he  
  
I will not  
  
Growling softly, she slammed the refrigerator door shut.   
Standing, she walked into the den, collapsing onto the couch and   
desperately clicking on the television. A strange melody stirred   
from the speakers, as the opening to a show came to a close.  
  
//I am hurting...//  
//I have lost it all...//  
//I am losing...//  
  
//Nowhere to breathe...//  
  
The image of a small girl, walking across a bridge in the city.   
A gust of wind blows her hat from her head, as a crow flies past.   
Suddenly, time seems to stop; the hat floats still in midair, as the   
girl looks up at the crow, the shadow of its wing obscuring part of   
her face. Then, the girl turns and walks on, leaving her hat and the   
crow floating still, trapped in midair.  
  
Asuka listened to the soft music, as sobs shook her shoulders.  
  
no battle ever won; never even fought the field only reveals to   
man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of   
philosophers and fools  
  
damn   
  
***  
  
Akane yawned, glancing over at her sister across the street.   
She was doing the same thing. *I wonder if she had dreams too...*  
  
"Akane!" She saw Nabiki waving to her, and crossed the still-  
wet street over to meet her. It had only stopped raining a few   
minutes before.  
  
"You see him?"  
  
Nabiki nodded. "He's in the crowd over there, heading this   
way."  
  
Akane looked up, shading her eyes - unnecessary, in the dusk-  
like light of Tokyo-3 - trying to discern the man her sister was   
talking about. She had never met Kaji before.  
  
"Hey, Nabiki!" A young man, a few years older than her sister,   
broke out of the crowd, walking across the street towards them. His   
hair was tied back in a short pony-tail, and he was somewhat   
unshaven. He wore a shirt and tie, but the collar was loosened, and   
he carried his jacket over his shoulder.  
  
"Kaji! Good to see you!" Nabiki waved back.  
  
Kaji stepped up onto the curb beside them, a self-assured smile   
twisting his lips. "Hey there. And this must be Akane. So, how're   
things here in the city?"  
  
Akane looked up at the strange man, and couldn't help but smile   
slightly. "About as good as ever."  
  
"That bad, huh? C'mon," he put his arms around the two   
ladies' shoulders. "Let's go get lunch somewhere - I'm starved!   
Time enough to talk business later."  
  
Akane and Nabiki let themselves get pulled along.  
  
***  
  
Gendo Ikari sat in his dark office, his white-gloved hands   
folded in front of his mouth. The light reflected off the lenses of   
his glasses, making them opaque.  
  
"You say you were attacked... by a human?"  
  
Sohjiro glared at him from his seat in front of the desk, his   
violet eyes flashing dangerously. "Not a human. A psychic."  
  
"A mortal, still. And he... defeated you?"  
  
A mixture of rage and shame swept across the demon's face.   
"Yes. But, he was unlike any other psychic I have ever met."  
  
Gendo's brows arched. "Really? How so?"  
  
"He knew what I was. He could detect me, even in the middle of   
the night, and hid his own presence from me until the last moment.   
He... was not a normal psychic."  
  
"You said that already. And you say that after disarming you   
and drawing first blood, he gave you a message and left?"  
  
Sohjiro nodded, remembrance bringing fresh shame to his face.   
"Yes."  
  
"And what was his message?"  
  
"The broken mirror's shards fall through night, glimmering.   
Angels walk the causeways of humanity, and demons claim dark their   
own. As the Guardians draw near, the time of the Ascension does as   
well. Tell the NERV Commander that a mirror's shard can slit a   
throat, and that angels on leashes are not always easy to control.   
Then he left."  
  
"Hmmm..." Gendo Ikari leaned back in his chair, hands still   
folded, one finger tapping thoughtfully. "Interesting."  
  
Fuyutsuki's voice broke in from the dark behind the desk.   
"Does this mean the Ban'nin will begin arriving soon?"  
  
"Who can say? The psychics of the Mirror Shard clan have   
always been cryptic, especially their prophecies. However, we have   
known for some time now that we do not have long." His voice was   
softly musing.  
  
Sohjiro listened to the two humans discussing, intending to   
remember every word.  
  
As if suddenly remembering that the dark-haired man was still   
there, Gendo sat forward and waved at him. "You are dismissed,   
Sohjiro. And next time, you will report on time, or not at all."  
  
Snarling, Sohjiro stood up and left the room. His fury left   
the air noticeably cooler.  
  
"Are you sure it is wise to provoke him?" Fuyutsuki asked from   
the shadows.  
  
"You know as well as I do what they say about him."  
  
"Yes, but the Scrolls do not predict such small things as the   
individual survival of you or I. He could kill us, if he wanted to.   
And then everything would be lost, all our work."  
  
"Perhaps. Perhaps." Gendo Ikari stood up. "Come, good   
doctor. We have work to do."  
  
The gray-haired older man stepped out of the shadows. "Yes. A   
fifth pilot, the last of the ANGELs. I wonder, will his leash hold   
him?"  
  
"It will." Gendo walked to the door of the room, turning to   
wait for Fuyutsuki to join him. "A leash of one's own making is   
perhaps the only trap no one can escape from."  
  
***  
  
Akane ate another mouthful of her food, glancing up at Kaji and   
her sister, who were talking animatedly. She couldn't help but feel   
a small twinge of jealousy, that another person was as close to her   
sister as she herself.  
  
"So, Akane," Kaji's voice broke into her musings. "What do you   
think?"  
  
She blinked. "Hmm?"  
  
Nabiki chuckled. "Never mind, Akane." She sobered, turning to   
Kaji. "Anyway, don't you think we should get to discussing   
business?"  
  
Kaji sighed, sitting back in his chair. "I suppose so."  
  
"You've come with a delivery for NERV, right?" Akane asked   
deliberately.  
  
"Yup, I guess I have. Top-secret stuff, very classified." He   
grinned at them. "Wanna see it?"  
  
Nabiki chuckled. "Sure, sounds like fun."  
  
"What is it?" Akane asked, wondering.  
  
"Adam," Kaji said softly, and stood up.  
  
Akane and Nabiki followed Kaji in silence through the city to   
his apartment.  
  
Inside, Kaji moved through the dim corridors, the two sisters   
following less confidently, until Kaji came to a door. Turning the   
knob, He stepped through into his bedroom, holding the door open for   
them to follow.  
  
On his bed was a small metal suitcase.  
  
Turning to the two girls as he opened it, Kaji watched their   
faces as they saw what lay inside.  
  
"This is it. The progenitor of the human species."  
  
***  
  
Doctor Ritsuko Akagi looked down at the tank of LCL fluid from   
her spot in the laboratory, and wrinkled her nose at the smell. She   
glanced at Commander Ikari, seated in the elevated seat at the rear   
of the room, as her hand hovered above the middle vial of bluish   
liquid.  
  
*His choice now could determine the fate of everything...*  
  
Gendo Ikari nodded almost imperceptibly, his white-gloved hands   
folded in front of his mouth.  
  
Ritsuko sighed slightly as she picked up the vial. *His choice   
was made long before this moment. I only hope this course of events   
I set in motion leads to the end we desire...*  
  
She stuck the tip of a needle through the sealing membrane of   
the vial, drawing the liquid up into the syringe. Testing it,   
Ritsuko squirted out a bit of the liquid, then turned to the young   
man leaning against the far wall.  
  
Kaji stepped forward, holding up a small glass jar, within   
which floated what appeared to be a human fetus amid a softly glowing   
green liquid.  
  
He held up the jar, and Ritsuko took it and examined it. After   
a close inspection, she inserted the syringe and injected the blue   
liquid. Then she turned and dumped them into the vat of LCL.  
  
She turned to the Commander.  
  
"It's done."  
  
*Heaven help me, it's done.*  
  
Gendo Ikari nodded. "Doctor Fuyutsuki and I have a meeting   
with SEELE. Doctor Akagi, if you could oversee the rest of this   
matter?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Good."  
  
***  
  
Misato Katsuragi was drunk.  
  
"Shit!" Misato tried to correct the end table which had   
lurched to bump into her, but it jumped out of her grasp and toppled   
onto the floor. Shrugging and deciding that if the table didn't want   
to be helped there was nothing she could do for it, Misato stumbled   
deeper into her apartment and flopped down onto the couch.  
  
"Wonder what's on th' TB...?" She grabbed the remote and   
flipped the television on, sliding around until she sat with her head   
hanging off the front and her legs propped up on the back. A   
nondescript newscaster addressed her from the ceiling.  
  
Her mind shied away from the reason why she was drunk.  
  
Flipping through the channels, Misato giggled at upside down   
skiers, robots, and, strangest of all, basketball players.  
  
*Wonder how they get th' ball to fall up...?*  
  
She wasn't drunk because Kaji was back in Tokyo-3, working in   
NERV.  
  
Settling on the basketball, Misato watched them defy gravity   
with mild interest.  
  
It wasn't because Kaji was her old college boyfriend, who she   
had never quite gotten over. And it certainly wasn't because he had   
arrived at NERV-HQ with a pretty young woman.  
  
No, definitely not.  
  
***  
  
Gendo and Fuyutsuki stood before the assembled council of   
SEELE, the Throne of Souls. Gendo, at least, seemed unperturbed.  
  
"You called us here. We are at a very busy point right now, so   
if you could come to the point quickly, I would be obliged." Gendo   
observed the head of SEELE through his dark glasses as he spoke.  
  
Fuyutsuki cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable.  
  
The head of SEELE frowned, sinister behind the strange visor   
which obscured his eyes. "Yes. The point we have summoned you here   
to make is a quick one." He turned to indicate the large viewscreen   
behind the table which seated the members of SEELE. It flickered to   
life, showing a scene of cold blackness, relieved only by a small   
speck of color, apparently far distant.  
  
"NERV is falling behind the schedule predicted in the Dead Sea   
Scrolls for the Instrumentality Project. In order to... motivate   
you... we have accelerated the course of events."  
  
On the viewscreen, the dot of color flashed, then began to   
move. Slowly at first, barely noticeable against the background of   
blackness, but building speed until it approached at a headlong rush   
the white-swirled blue globe in the distance.  
  
Doctor Fuyutsuki gasped softly. "No... You didn't... wake it   
up purposefully?"  
  
"We did. It will make contact within the hour. Perhaps now   
you will see that NERV is fully subordinate to this council." He sat   
back down, smiling somewhat smugly.  
  
Gendo Ikari merely nodded and left the room, Fuyutsuki trailing   
behind.  
  
"So, the psychic knew what he was talking about."  
  
Fuyutsuki didn't know how Ikari could be so calm, when he   
himself felt like pulling his hair out and gibbering. "These events   
that they have set in motion will not stop until they have run their   
full course." He was glad to hear that his voice didn't waver.  
  
Gendo nodded. "We have known this was coming for a long time.   
Now we must prepare to harness the lightning bolt, and bend it to our   
will."  
  
***  
  
Asuka knocked at the door to Toji's room in the Medical Wing.   
She hated it, but the knock sounded timid.  
  
"Come in," she heard him answer faintly.  
  
Opening the door, Asuka stepped around it into the room.  
  
Toji lay on his bed with his back to her, once again staring   
out the window at the gray, fog-covered skyline.  
  
"Hey Toji," she said softly, kneeling down next to his bed. He   
still didn't turn.  
  
Asuka gazed at him sadly for a long moment. Finally, Toji   
turned over slowly to look at her. His face was drawn. "Hey,   
Pretty." His voice was hoarse.  
  
"Hey. How are you feeling?"  
  
"How am I feeling? Huh. Like half of me is missing."  
  
Asuka looked down. "I..." she trailed off, not sure what to   
say.  
  
"Hey, Asuka..." He paused, turning to look out the window.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm sorry. About earlier, with Shinji and Rei. Will you...   
tell them for me?"  
  
Asuka smiled. "Of course I will."  
  
"I love you, you know." He sounded a little afraid.  
  
Asuka was a little surprised. He had never managed to say it   
before. Her smile spread, brightening her face. "I know. I love   
you too."  
  
Toji seemed to relax a little, and before much longer he was   
asleep. Asuka stayed at his side for a while, before heading home.  
  
Walking through the hallways of NERV-HQ, Asuka thought about   
what Toji had said to her. The thought made her smile, and she found   
herself happier than she had been since Toji had gotten hurt.  
  
Suddenly, the metallic clamor of the warning sirens broke the   
stillness, causing Asuka to gasp and look up. The bright white   
lighting switched to flashing red, signaling a state of emergency.  
  
Fuyutsuki's voice rang out over the loudspeaker. //"Would   
Captain Katsuragi, Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, and Asuka Sohryu   
Langley please report to the command center for an emergency   
briefing."//  
  
*What's going on...?*  
  
Asuka took off at a run, her long red hair trailing behind her.  
  
***  
  
Misato tossed down another cup of black coffee. Very black   
coffee. As she tasted the molasses-like liquid running down her   
throat, she grimaced and shook her head. Ritsuko glanced at her.  
  
"Are you alright, Misato?"  
  
"Fine. I'm fine," she muttered, filling up another cup.  
  
*Or at least I will be, as soon as the command center stops   
spinning...*  
  
Shinji came into the room, panting as though he had run to get   
there. A moment later, Rei stepped in calmly. Asuka was the last   
in, tearing into the room as though finishing a marathon.  
  
"What's up?" the fiery girl asked of the command center at   
large.  
  
Doctor Akagi answered her.  
  
"Take a look at this," she said, switching on the large   
viewscreen.  
  
The hexagonal display grid showed the image of... something,   
moving across the countryside outside Tokyo-3. It was huge, which   
could easily be told by the fly-sized jets that swarmed around it.  
  
It was definitely not something normal - it looked made up of a   
gray chitinous armor, and walked on ethereally-thin legs, strangely   
elastic. It didn't have a head, but a strange face, made up of two   
mask-like portions, vaguely bird-like, on the bulk of its body. It's   
arms seemed jointed in all the wrong places, and terminated in three   
opposing fingers.  
  
Shinji gasped. "What is that?"  
  
"Is it from one of the Hellgates?" Rei asked calmly.  
  
"No," Ritsuko answered. "It is not a demon, but something...   
else. We have reason to believe that it is the first of many of its   
kind. The Magi has code named them Ban'nin. This is the Third one,   
Sachiel."  
  
"The third?" Asuka asked incredulously. "What about the first   
two? I've never heard of anything like this before!"  
  
Gendo Ikari spoke from his seat on the raised platform of the   
command center. "The names we choose for them are of no concern to   
you. Your only concern should be defeating them."  
  
Asuka turned to glare at the Commander, but his icy gaze calmed   
her fury.  
  
Rei stepped forward. "What is the battle plan?"  
  
"Well..." Ritsuko began, glancing at Misato.  
  
"Give me a minute," the Captain growled, gulping down another   
coffee.  
  
"Oh boy," Shinji said softly.  
  
***  
  
"I'm detecting a slight fluctuation in my synchronization wave   
pattern," Shinji said worriedly, glancing at the diagnostic display   
on the helmet of his EVA.  
  
"Is it within acceptable parameters?" Misato asked.  
  
"By .01%."  
  
Misato glanced at Ritsuko, who nodded. "Ignore it."  
  
Shinji frowned slightly, but nodded. "Alright."  
  
"How about everyone else?"  
  
"My EVA is fully functional," Rei said softly.  
  
"Everything's all set," Asuka chimed in.  
  
"Good luck, Pretty," Toji said through his com link from his   
bed in the Medical Wing.  
  
"Thank you Toji. See you after we smash this thing!" Asuka   
said animatedly.  
  
"Open bay doors! ANGELs, launch!" At Misato's command, the   
doors of the EVA bays swung open, and the mission was begun.  
  
Shinji and Rei powered up their telekinetic flight systems, and   
EVA Units 00 and 01 shot out of the launch bay. Asuka's Unit 02   
joined them a moment later, her red EVA trailing a wave of heat-  
mirage.  
  
"The Third Ban'nin's location should be highlighted on your   
maps. Conventional weaponry seems ineffectual against it; apparently   
it has a very powerful aura which absorbs most of the impact from   
missiles and such." Misato's voice was calm and business-like. This   
was herself the Captain, the woman who had scored the highest   
tactical score in the last fifty years straight out of college.   
"Your synchro weapons should be able to handle the aura, though. Try   
not to actually touch it any more than you have to - it will   
eventually degrade your armor, and could have unforeseen psychic   
side-effects."  
  
Shinji brought up the map. It looked like Sachiel was making   
its way steadily through the countryside, directly toward Tokyo-3.  
  
"ANGELs, scramble and engage."  
  
Gritting his teeth, Shinji rocketed his EVA toward the strange   
giant menace that was the Third Ban'nin.  
  
***  
  
TRANSCRIPT OF MISSION 205A  
ANGEL FIRST DIVISION & PILOT OF UNIT 02  
(PILOT OF UNIT 03 EXCUSED DUE TO INJURY)  
  
Shinji: "That thing is very big."  
  
Toji: "Thanks for pointing that out, Shinji. I wouldn'ta guessed.   
Just concentrate on whooping it, whatever it is."  
  
Asuka: "Oh, that jet that the thing just hit... it looks like it's   
going to crash into a building! Shouldn't we stop it?"  
  
Misato: "Yes, of-"  
  
Gendo: [Cutting in.] "No. Seconds could be critical. Converge on   
the Ban'nin."  
  
[An explosion.]  
  
Toji: "That was... Shiboshi General Hospital, wasn't it?"  
  
Gendo: "It is none of your concern. Continue with the assault."  
  
Asuka: [Growling.] "Fine! I'll move forward and engage first.   
Activating synchro blade."  
  
Rei: "It appears to have noticed us."  
  
[There is a sizzle of energy, and Asuka yells angrily.]  
  
Asuka: "That was close! Alright, whatever you are, here I come!"  
  
[Sound of battle. Asuka grunts with exertion.]  
  
Rei: "Activate synchro claws. Moving to engage."  
  
Misato: "Shinji, what are you waiting for?"  
  
Shinji: ...  
  
Misato: "Shinji? Please respond!"  
  
Shinji: ...  
  
Toji: "Hey, Shinji! What's going on?"  
  
Misato: "Commander!"  
  
Gendo: "Continue the mission."  
  
[Radio silence for a few moments.]  
  
Rei: "I believe I have wounded it."  
  
Maya: "Detecting an immense surge of energy from Sachiel!"  
  
[A sizzling explosion of energy. The sound of static slowly clears.]  
  
Asuka: "Scheiss! It's got Shinji!"  
  
Shinji: "AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"  
  
Misato: "Shinji!"  
  
END TRANSCRIPT  
  
***  
  
End Part 1: Moving Apart, Moving Together  
  
  
  
  
Part 2: Angel Fire  
  
***  
  
dark  
  
darkness all around, warm and impersonal  
  
where am I?  
  
darkness, nothingness like the space between the stars nothing   
everywhere nothing anywhere  
  
or everything nowhere?  
  
who am I?  
  
shards of memory. a small young boy with dark hair. is this   
me?  
  
no. this is not who I am  
  
I am what is inside  
  
what is inside?  
  
Rei Ayanami.  
  
who... is Rei?  
  
girl. pale skin soft voice crimson eyes brown hair  
  
no... not brown... why can't I remember?  
  
but that is outside. who is Rei?  
  
silence. crimson gaze. friends...  
  
brown hair...  
  
Yui. Yui Ikari  
  
mother.  
  
Rei... Yui...  
  
images merge blue becomes brown eyes deep crimson depths   
Father. no I have no part of him, emerging as though created solely   
by mother father nonexistent silent and dark father and rei  
  
"My god! How can he move like that?!"  
  
I'll study hard by myself  
  
you there hold it is that your bike  
  
no but someone had thrown it away under the bridge so I  
  
it's not nice to lie  
  
father... you wouldnt concede to my existence even then.  
  
I exist Father! I am!  
  
I am  
  
alive...  
  
"We're not detecting any life signs from the pilot... could it   
be...? The EVA is out of control?!"  
  
Shinji...  
  
grasping desperately... this that is me I am Shinji  
  
Shinji...  
  
this from outside... something other than myself; who is there?  
  
Shinji...  
  
who is there? who is this? Rei...?  
  
Shinji. I will protect you.  
  
Rei smiling softly *rei smiling?* brown hair she turns and   
walks away into the darkness  
  
I will protect you.  
  
"Unit 01 is attacking the Third Ban'nin as though without   
concern for its own safety! The Ban'nin appears severely damaged...   
Sachiel... is dead..."  
  
no. Not Rei.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
father smiles silently mouth hidden by white gloved hands eyes   
hidden by opaque lenses  
  
"Mother..."  
  
"We have life signs from the pilot!"  
  
***  
  
Captain Katsuragi is speaking.  
  
Unnecessary really; we both know that this has nothing to do   
with us. Ban'nin... I feel an... echo... when I hear that name.   
What are the Guardians?  
  
Leaving the room. Mission is accomplished, though no one knows   
how. Ikar... no, Shinji.  
  
Is he alright? I hope he is.  
  
Dr. Akagi: You can visit him if you want.  
  
Visit him? I... think I will.  
  
Will he yell? Get the fuck out of here! I don't know what I   
will do if he yells.  
  
He is there, in the bed, like Toji before. What happened to   
him? Mother...  
  
Mother...  
  
He stirs. I suppose I shouldn't have touched him. I don't   
know why I did.  
  
His eyes blink open slowly. They are bright and clear, but   
confused. I like his eyes.  
  
He lifts his hand, as though trying to touch something, looking   
at me but not seeing.  
  
"Mother..."  
  
The word... touches an echo, inside me. Mother... Who is   
mother? What is mother?  
  
"Mother..."  
  
It frightens me. I don't know why. Something inside, hidden,   
trying to come up and see the light. But then I would not be myself.   
I am confused. Why did I take a step back?  
  
"Mother..."  
  
I am against the door. I don't know... my heart is beating   
fast. Why? That word. Stop saying that word.  
  
The door opens behind me. I stumble out. Mother... It echoes   
in my head. Stop it. Stop it!  
  
Langley standing there, surprised. I don't care. Stop saying   
that word! Stop it!  
  
I run. Why am I so frightened? Why would I not be me?  
  
I am alone again.  
  
***  
  
Rei? What word...?  
  
Turning back to look at Shinji, laying on the bed. He stirs   
restlessly, muttering broken words. What was she talking about?  
  
I kneel down and brush the hair from his forehead. He's got a   
fever. The doctors already know, of course. God, I hope he'll be   
alright. He's kind of a loser, and the least effectual of the   
pilots...  
  
EVA Unit 01 a blaze of speed and energy, striking the Ban'nin   
repeatedly not only with fists and feet, but with blasts of pure   
energy; it falls beneath the rain of blows. Never seen anything move   
so fast...  
  
But he's an okay guy, and if we lost him while Toji's down...   
it would... devastate the ANGEL program. Who am I kidding? Please   
be alright, Shinji.  
  
Toji... I don't know. He seems to be handling it alright, but   
I'm sure he's hiding something... He has to share with me... Dammit.  
  
Shivering. The way he yelled when that thing grabbed him.   
God, I thought... I dunno, his soul was being ripped out or   
something. Who knows what that thing could have done to him... what   
it did do to him...  
  
Never seen anything move so fast...  
  
Well, you inconsiderate jerk, you better hurry up and get   
better! I'm going to kick your ass as soon as you can walk! How   
could you endanger the mission like that? Spacing out at the last   
moment. Jeez, I thought ANGELs were made of sterner stuff.   
Stupid... please be alright.  
  
Ritsuko: It's getting late. Why don't you go home? I know   
you've been losing sleep over Toji. Please don't let this endanger   
your health, Miss Langley.  
  
Alright. Goodnight then, Ritsuko. Don't go to easy on him; I   
can't believe he was such a wuss back there.  
  
Ritsuko: Of course, Asuka. We'll give him the hardest bed in   
the Med. Wing.  
  
Yes. Well. I'll be going then. What was she smiling about?   
He deserves it for chickening out.  
  
I hope Toji and Shinji are okay...  
  
***  
  
Gendo Ikari watched the replay of the battle against Sachiel,   
no sign of emotion present on his face. Fuyutsuki gasped at the   
near-invisible speed that Unit 01 had for a moment shown, and the   
blasts of psychic energy it had wielded seemingly effortlessly.   
Ritsuko was busy scribbling notes on the capabilities of a berserk   
EVA.  
  
*He knew this was going to happen.*  
  
Misato looked away from the Commander and shook her head, but   
she couldn't shake off the thought. *I know. He risked his son's   
life again.*  
  
Maybe it was just the lingering alcoholic haze... she would   
wake up tomorrow morning and... *No. I'm sure.*  
  
She watched EVA Unit 01 rear back, floating in the air,   
surrounded by an intense psychic aura - so intense that it was easily   
visible to the naked eye, like a crackling electrical nimbus. Then   
the EVA pointed, and an immense blast of energy slammed the Ban'nin   
into the ground.  
  
I still can't believe... How could an EVA go berserk? It's   
just a machine... isn't it? And Shinji, unconscious inside...  
  
The replay ended, and Ritsuko turned to the Commander.  
  
"The pilot was found in a state of catatonia, which we can   
assume started after being assaulted by the Ban'nin. We still do not   
know what caused his mental collapse - some ability of the Ban'nin, a   
problem with the EVA - or even why he paused during the assault. As   
of now, his brain waves are slowly returning to normal, and his only   
physical symptom is a high fever.  
  
"If this was some sort of psychic attack by Sachiel, there may   
be lasting effects on the pilot's psyche. We cannot tell until he   
wakes up."  
  
Gendo nodded slowly. "When do you estimate he will regain   
consciousness?"  
  
*How can he be so cold about his own son?* Misato drew her   
jacket tighter around herself.  
  
"Within two hours, sir."  
  
"Keep him sedated. I don't want him awake before tomorrow   
morning."  
  
Ritsuko seemed surprised, but nodded. "Yes sir. I'll go and   
give Maya the instructions now."  
  
Gendo nodded, and Ritsuko stood up and left the room. The   
Commander turned his inscrutable gaze on Misato.  
  
"Do you have anything to say, Captain Katsuragi?"  
  
Misato glared at him. *Yeah. Why are you such a son of a   
bitch? Is my pilot going to wake up insane because of you? What's   
your deal?* Of course, she said none of it. "No, sir."  
  
"Good. You are dismissed."  
  
Misato turned and stalked from the room.  
  
The last thing she heard before the door slid shut was   
Fuyutsuki speaking.  
  
"You are a cold man, Ikari."  
  
***  
  
Rei sat in the corner of her small bedroom, curled up, head   
tucked between her knees.  
  
mother   
  
Stop...  
  
mother   
  
stop it  
  
mother mother mother mother MOTHER  
  
STOP IT!  
  
mothermothermothermothermother  
  
Rei Ayanami shook slightly, and a single tear slid from the   
corner of her crimson eye.  
  
***  
  
//"One of the pilots had some sort of mental breakdown."//   
Nabiki listened to Kaji's voice. The slight crackle of static told   
her that he was calling from a cell phone.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
//"He seemed to chicken out when attacking the big monster -   
they're calling it a Ban'nin - although in retrospect it was probably   
something else. Then the thing grabbed him. He screamed," Kaji   
seemed to recall the scream somewhat fearfully, "and the shit hit the   
fan. The EVA went psycho and beat the Ban'nin into the ground. And   
it didn't just use its fists. It blasted the thing with all kinds of   
crazy psychic energy - it was like watching an anime. And get this;   
the pilot, poor kid, was unconscious the whole time."//  
  
"He was unconscious?" Nabiki asked. Her sister looked up at   
her incredulous words. "But aren't the EVAs just powered armor?"  
  
//"That's what I thought too, but it looks like they're   
something more. That's something I'm going to have to look into."//  
  
"Well, just be careful. Knowing you you'll get caught going   
through top-secret files because you whistled at a passing   
secretary."  
  
//"Ah! You wound me!"// Nabiki could tell he was clutching   
his heart, stricken. //"Of course I'll be careful. And you too,   
with that crazy raid you're planning."//  
  
"Hey, we're supposed to be a resistance movement. We can't   
just sit back and do nothing."  
  
He sighed. //"A resistance movement of two. Just don't go   
getting delusions of grandeur on me. Anyway, I'd better go. Got   
reports to make 'n stuff."//  
  
"Good night."  
  
//"G'night, girl. And seriously, be careful tomorrow."//  
  
"I will."  
  
She listened to the dial-tone for a moment before hanging up.  
  
"We still on for tomorrow?" Akane was cleaning her synchro   
blade again. It sometimes made Nabiki nervous, how often her sister   
did that.  
  
She sighed. "Yeah. We'd better get some sleep."  
  
***  
  
mother...  
  
waking up, like coming into the light for the first time light   
blinding too bright blinking newborn  
  
the room spins revolving slowly before finally settling into   
position. hospital room too bright and sterile it smells of   
sickness  
  
"Shinji Ikari."  
  
someone... there... squinting trying to see through light   
streaming down like liquid. tall man with black hair tied back in   
tail falling to mid back. Who are you?  
  
"I am Ranma Saotome. You have broken the threshold, Shinji."  
  
What... what do you mean? What threshold?  
  
"Not important right now. You must know that your leash   
needn't always hold you."  
  
Leash?  
  
"You'll understand eventually. The Ayanami girl... I know she   
is important to you. You must know her, and teach her to know you."  
  
I... I don't...  
  
"No, not yet. But you will. I have to go now."  
  
gone... but there is someone else...  
  
is that you, mother?  
  
"Shh. Here you go, Mr. Ikari. That should keep you asleep   
till morning. I'm surprised you managed to wake up already.   
Shouldn't matter, though."  
  
mother, where are you going? don't leave me...  
  
***  
  
NEWS REPORT, 20:31 WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2018  
NERV PUBLIC RELATIONS  
  
//We have just received a report on the incident that occurred in the   
countryside outside Tokyo-3 earlier today. It seems that the ANGEL   
pilots were engaged in a standard training exercise, which was   
somehow sabotaged; probably by a psychic, who could have disrupted   
the psychometry of one of the EVAs in a way that would be   
undetectable by mechanical inspection. The Second ANGEL's EVA   
apparently then malfunctioned, causing the multiple large explosions   
noted by eye-witnesses.//  
  
//It appears from our information that the second ANGEL, young Shinji   
Ikari, sustained minor injuries during this battle, but that both he   
and the EVA should be in working order soon.//  
  
//That's all for now, more as updates are issued from NERV.//  
  
***  
  
Maya Ibuki looked up from the news report at her boss, who was   
watching the television with a slight smile on her face. "Sir, how   
could NERV... release misinformation like that?"  
  
Ritsuko looked at her young pupil for a long moment. "It's   
necessary," she said at last. "If every citizen on the street knew   
everything that was going on, not only would there be widespread   
panic, but the demons would soon know as well."  
  
Maya was taken aback by her boss's smooth answer. "But it's...   
wrong... People should know that the city is under attack by the   
Ban'nin."  
  
Ritsuko looked at her reproachfully. "People who develop too   
many scruples always have trouble working with others. You'll see   
once you get your hands dirty." Having said her fill, Ritsuko stood   
up. "Will you close up for me tonight? It's been a long day, and I   
need to get some sleep."  
  
Maya nodded, and watched her boss leave, thinking about what   
she had said.  
  
***  
  
Toji...  
  
The voice whispered through the Medical Wing of NERV-HQ,   
ethereally soft.  
  
Toji...  
  
A chill wind blew through the corridors of the Medical Wing,   
deep within NERV-HQ. Maya Ibuki shivered at her desk, and tried to   
work faster.  
  
Toji...  
  
In his bed, Toji Suzuhara stirred, mumbling.  
  
Toji... Please wake up.  
  
Toji blinked slowly awake, shivering in the cold air of his   
room. What happened to the climate control?  
  
Toji...  
  
He gasped at the soft whisper of sound, so alien and yet...   
familiar...  
  
He sat up, clutching the blanket around his shoulders.  
  
At the foot of his bed stood the apparition of a young girl,   
arm outstretched toward him.  
  
Toji tried to speak, to yell, to scream, he couldn't tell. And   
he never found out, because no sound escaped his suddenly bone-dry   
mouth.  
  
The apparition held her hand out, imploring, and whispered   
something. Then she faded away as though she had never been, leaving   
the air empty and cold.  
  
Please... Remember me...  
  
Toji collapsed back onto his bed, breathing heavily. After a   
few minutes the heaters kicked in, and the chill began to recede.   
Sleep was a long time in coming.  
  
***  
  
"Commander Ikari. I must say that it disturbs me, the risk you   
took with the second pilot."  
  
Gendo sat looking at the people around the table calmly,   
inscrutable as ever, hands folded before his mouth and dark glasses   
hiding his eyes. To SEELE, the Throne of Souls, he was no less   
inscrutable than to anyone else. "It was necessary. Besides, it was   
foretold. The second Angel falls before the first Guardian, but in   
his fall is contained victory. A mother is the secret to the will to   
survive."  
  
"Yes, well. Nevertheless, it endangered the Instrumentality   
Project, and the pilot's convalescence has put us behind schedule."  
  
"We will be back on schedule by noon tomorrow. The Fifth ANGEL   
will be arriving shortly." Gendo smiled slightly, knowing that none   
of them could see it.  
  
"The Fifth ANGEL? You did not consult us about this."  
  
"His being introduced earlier than expected only puts us ahead   
of schedule."  
  
"Perhaps. Commander Ikari, I must warn you. This council is   
supreme. We all know that you serve no agenda other than your own;   
the moment you no longer serve the purpose of SEELE is the moment   
your life ends."  
  
"Of course." Gendo nodded. "Will that be all?"  
  
The head of SEELE stared at him for a long moment, inscrutable   
behind his cyclopean eyepiece, before nodding. "Yes. You may go."  
  
Gendo stood up and left the council room. Fuyutsuki met him at   
the door.  
  
"How did it go?"  
  
Gendo grimaced, nearly a smile. "The fools believe they are   
omniscient. The first step to failure is overconfidence."  
  
The gray-haired doctor frowned. "They are in a much more   
stable position than we. Everything we have worked for is still   
hinged upon the fifth ANGEL."  
  
"You worry too much, Fuyutsuki. That's not a good trait in   
this business. We hold all the tiles... all the Winds and Dragons.   
There is nothing they can do."  
  
Fuyutsuki stopped, watching Gendo continue along the corridor.   
"Secrets breed mistrust..." he said to himself softly.  
  
***  
  
End Part 2: Angel Fire  
  
End Chapter 2: Truth in Dreams  
  
***  
  
Winded is the sailor  
drifting by the storm...  
wounded is the organ  
he left all...  
bloodied on the shore...  
  
gorgeous was his savior  
sees her... drowning  
in his wake...  
daily tastes the salt  
of her tears, but...  
chance blamed fate...  
  
little secrets  
tremors...  
turned to quake  
  
the  
smallest oceans  
still get...  
big, big waves  
  
ransom paid the devil...  
he whispers pleasing words...  
triumphant are the angels  
if they can...  
get there first...  
  
little secrets  
tremors...  
turned to quake  
  
the  
smallest oceans  
still get...  
big, big waves  
  
I'll decide  
take the dive  
take my time  
not my life  
wait for signs  
believe in lies  
to get by  
it's divine!  
OOOOH HO  
you know what  
it's like?  
  
turns the bow back  
tows and... drops the line...  
puts his faith in love &...  
  
tremor christ.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
Well, here's the second chapter. Some of you probably   
recognized what was on the television in the scene with Asuka... for   
those who don't know, it's the opening to Serial Experiments Lain (a   
very good, and very, very weird show).  
  
Note that in Asuka's section where she tells herself she won't   
cry I did include a small excerpt out of Faulkner's The Sound and the   
Fury. I did not intend for this to infringe on his story in any way,   
but as more of a tribute to the man who is possibly the greatest   
writer in the history of America.  
  
Also, tip of the hat to anyone who recognizes the song at the   
end there.  
  
Thanks to Tim for the tips on the NERV misinformation.  
  
Until next time, Dan Riley signing off.   
  
You can reach me at feithecontact@secondimpact.com.  
  
Landscape of the Soul can be found at my website,   
come.to/feithecontact. 


	3. Wandering Angels

Mother. Noun: 1, A female who has born an offspring. 2, A   
female who has adopted a child or otherwise established a maternal   
relationship with another person. 3, A creative or environmental   
source.  
  
I do not understand...  
  
Why does this word trouble me?  
  
Shinji called out 'Mother'... Does he have his own mother, or   
is there one mother?  
  
One who gives life.  
  
Who has given me life?  
  
Where does my life come from?  
  
Who is my... mother?  
  
***  
  
A Neon Genesis/Ranma 1/2 Elseworlds Saga  
By Dan Riley...  
  
Landscape of the Soul  
  
Chapter 3  
Wandering Angels  
Part 1  
Closing Hearts  
  
***  
  
my will is crashing, synapses flashing slow  
days like frame by frame, where do they go?  
why fight it? forget it  
can't I spend it after I go  
  
roll them high...  
throw them again...  
all god's dice.  
-Pearl Jam, "God's Dice"  
  
***  
  
mother...  
  
where are you, mother? why did you leave? didn't you care   
about me don't you care?!  
  
are you just like father? a silent presence who doesn't care?   
No. you are something else; mother, you gave me life.  
  
I am alive.  
  
I am  
  
Alive!  
  
Shinji sat up, blinking the sudden light out of his eyes. Maya   
Ibuki stood looking at him from the side of his bed, holding a tray of   
breakfast. The soft smell of food made Shinji's stomach growl.  
  
"Welcome back, Shinji." Maya's smile wasn't quite as warm as   
usual, and there was a note of hesitation in her manner, as though   
waiting to gauge his reaction.  
  
Shinji rubbed the back of his head. "Well... it's good to be   
back, I guess. Is... is that for me?" He couldn't keep the note of   
begging out of his voice.  
  
Maya broke into a full (and somewhat relieved) smile. "Of   
course. Dr. Akagi told me you'd be waking up about now, so I went to   
get you some breakfast. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Okay, I guess." He sat more fully up, taking the tray Maya   
handed him and putting it over his lap. "I don't remember what   
happened, though."  
  
"What's the last thing you do remember?"  
  
"Well... standing in the launch bay, about to go out after that   
thing... the Ban'nin. My synchronization wave being off." He   
frowned, trying to remember, but sighed after a moment and gave up.   
"And that's it. We beat it, didn't we?"  
  
Maya had a strange expression on her face as she looked down at   
him. "Yes, you beat it."  
  
"How though? What happened? Why can't I remember?"  
  
Just then, Ritsuko stuck her head in the door. "Maya, I need   
your help out here. Good morning, Mr. Ikari." With that, she   
withdrew from the room.  
  
Maya hurried over to the door, but paused and turned to Shinji.   
"You're sure you're feeling perfectly... normal?"  
  
Shinji frowned, confused. "Well... yes, I think so..."  
  
Maya looked at him for a moment before nodding. "Okay. You can   
go whenever you want. Commander Ikari wants to see you, when you're   
feeling up to it." And she went out the door.  
  
"My father wants to see me...?" Shinji looked at his hand.  
  
Father...  
  
***  
  
"So, what's your verdict?"  
  
"He seemed fine to me. I believe that there were not any   
immediate detrimental effects on his consciousness. He doesn't   
remember what happened, though."  
  
"Hmm... that is not a good sign. Who knows what could have been   
implanted in his unconscious. He'll require watching from now on."  
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea? It could just drive him   
away."  
  
"It's necessary. We all do what we have to."  
  
*We all do what we have to... no matter how much it costs us...*  
  
***  
  
The small television monitor framed a newscaster, and the room   
was filled with the barely audible buzz that it produced when at very   
low volume. A column of sunlight lancing from the window illuminated   
marching rows of tiny specks of dust, dancing in the air.  
  
*it doesn't get any more boring than this...*  
  
*what the hell am I still doing here anyway?*  
  
*god, I hate this fucking ceiling!*  
  
Toji slammed his fist into the table next to his bed. The metal   
appendage ripped through the wooden piece of furniture as though it   
were made of popsicle sticks.  
  
He held up his hand and looked at it, the morning light glinting   
slightly off the dull metal. He choked out something that was half   
sob, half laugh.  
  
When Ritsuko poked her head in and asked what was wrong, Toji   
could only choke his half-crying laugh.  
  
***  
  
Shinji stood up slowly, testing the strength of his legs. They   
held. Slipping his shirt on, Shinji looked at himself in the small   
mirror that stood on the nightstand next to the hospital bed,   
thinking.  
  
*what do you want with me?*  
  
He sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hand through his   
hair.  
  
*you've never bothered calling me to your office before, never   
wanted to talk with me. why now?*  
  
*just what the hell happened, and why can't I remember it?*  
  
The Third Ban'nin, standing there. Tall, towering above trees   
and buildings. Heading towards Tokyo-3. They want us to fight that   
thing? What is it...? Guardian... what does it guard?  
  
Shinji gasped. The piece of memory had come back suddenly, like   
a wall being broken down. He sat there, waiting, half-trembling, but   
no more followed it.  
  
Slowly, Shinji stood up, still trembling slightly with the force   
of the memory. Sighing, he slipped his shoes on, and took a few deep   
breaths to calm himself before opening the door.  
  
Walking down the hallway of the Med. Wing, he came to the   
office, where Maya sat going through some paperwork industriously.   
She looked up as Shinji entered and smiled again. "So, you're feeling   
alright, then? Are you going to see the Commander now?"  
  
Shinji nodded. "No reason to put it off."  
  
The hallways of NERV-HQ were lit perfectly by the bright,   
antiseptic artificial light which was the sun for NERV employees.   
Shinji walked through the hallways, his head down, deep in thought.   
At one point, he passed Rei Ayanami, walking the opposite way, but   
hardly noticed. She seemed even more withdrawn than he did.  
  
Coming to the door of his father's office, Shinji hesitated for   
a long moment before knocking.  
  
"Who is it?" His father's voice, imperious and slightly   
impatient.  
  
"Uh, i-it's me, Father."  
  
"Well, come in then."  
  
The door opened smoothly and silently. The room was dark.   
Gendo Ikari looked up at his hesitant son from some papers he was   
writing on, and motioned for him to sit in a chair. Shinji sat down   
slowly.  
  
Gendo pushed his glasses up, resettling the dark lenses over his   
eyes, before speaking. "Doctor Akagi tells me that you don't remember   
what happened during the battle with the Third Ban'nin."  
  
"Uh, yes. I mean, yes, I don't remember."  
  
Settling back in his chair, the Commander folded his hands in   
front of his mouth. "You don't remember anything?"  
  
"W-well, no... I mean, not really."  
  
"You find yourself physically healthy?"  
  
"Well, yes. I guess so."  
  
"You feel... normal? Have you had any thoughts which seem...   
out of place lately?"  
  
"Um... n-no, I don't think so..."  
  
Gendo nodded behind his hands. "You are the one who defeated   
the Ban'nin, Shinji. By yourself, or close enough as makes no   
difference."  
  
Shinji frowned. "W-what do you mean?"  
  
Turning, Gendo pointed to a viewscreen that took up most of one   
wall of his office. Flickering on, the screen showed a replay of   
Shinji fighting Sachiel. Shinji watched, his mouth agape, as the EVA   
dodged blasts of energy and the Ban'nin's long arms, then pounded it   
into the ground with a gigantic blast.  
  
"Th... that was me?"  
  
"Yes. Quite impressive, isn't it?"  
  
Shinji could only nod.  
  
"Do you think you could do it again?"  
  
He turned to look at his father. Gendo's dark face, half hidden   
in shadow, was as inscrutable as ever. The dark red glasses hid any   
emotions in his eyes, and his white-gloved hands hid his mouth and   
expression.  
  
"I... I don't think so..."  
  
Gendo merely nodded.  
  
Shinji turned back to the viewscreen, watching it frozen in the   
last moment of play, a scene of his EVA plummeting down out of the sky   
as it suddenly lost power.  
  
Then something rushed back to him, with all the suddenness of   
the earlier returned memory.  
  
Shinji... Shinji, I will protect you. Rei smiling softly *rei   
smiling?* brown hair she turns and walks away into the darkness I   
will protect you. no. Not Rei.  
  
"Mother," Shinji whispered softly, looking down at his hands.  
  
"Did you say something?"  
  
Shinji glanced up at his father. "N-no... it was nothing."  
  
Gendo frowned and looked at him for a long moment. Finally, he   
nodded. "Alright. You may go, then."  
  
Shinji stood up and walked from his father's office.  
  
*Mother... That was my mother's voice... my mother's voice!*  
  
***  
  
Asuka opened the door to the Medical Wing's office, to find Maya   
sitting at her desk typing. The cheerful medical assistant looked up   
and smiled at the entering girl.  
  
"Here to see Mr. Suzuhara again?"  
  
"Yes. How's he doing?"  
  
Maya frowned slightly. "Physically, he's coming along nicely.   
He's been having some severe mood swings, however. He should get over   
it as he becomes accustomed to... what happened to him." Maya smiled   
encouragingly at her, an expression that said good luck.  
  
Asuka smiled back, thanked her, and went over to Toji's door.   
She knocked, but he didn't answer. After a moment, she opened the   
door and looked inside.  
  
Toji lay with his back to her, again looking out the window.  
  
The television buzzed silently in the corner.  
  
"Toji..." she said softly, wondering if he was asleep.  
  
"What?" He answered without turning.  
  
His voice made Asuka wish he had been asleep. "I knocked, but   
you didn't answer... Did I wake you up?"  
  
"No. I didn't answer because I want to be left alone."  
  
She went and sat on the chair next to his bed. "Why?"  
  
"Because I don't want any red-headed morons bugging me."  
  
Asuka flushed angrily. "So I'm a moron, huh?"  
  
"Anything besides a moron would've figured out I wanted to be   
alone when I didn't answer their knock."  
  
Asuka lost her temper. "What the hell are you talking about? I   
only came here to see how you were doing, because I care about you,   
you idiot!"  
  
"Oh, good for you, Miss Perfect! Why don't you just get the   
hell out of here?!"  
  
Asuka could barely believe what she was hearing. "What about   
what you said yesterday? Was that a lie, a dream?"  
  
"It was a lapse of judgement. Now leave."  
  
Asuka left.  
  
***  
  
"Hey there, beautiful. Haven't had a chance to really say 'hi'   
since I got here. Been a long time, hasn't it?"  
  
Ritsuko smiled slightly at the arms wrapped around her from   
behind. She leant back in her chair. "Why, hello, Kaji. I was   
wondering when you'd get around to putting some moves on me."  
  
"Why, my dear Doctor Akagi, I'm quite offended. After all, what   
are friends supposed to do when they haven't seen each other in   
years?"  
  
"I don't know, but you probably shouldn't be doing whatever it   
is right now."  
  
"Why ever not?" Kaji leaned over to look at her, and saw her   
smiling sardonically.  
  
"Because there's a scary lady watching us." Ritsuko pointed.  
  
Kaji turned to gaze upon the visage of Doom itself.  
  
An aura of rage, death, and insanity hung about Misato   
Katsuragi.  
  
"Why, good morning Ritsuko," she said sweetly, and stepped out   
of the door. When she slammed it shut behind her, the lock mechanism   
gave a groan of protest and released a small shower of sparks.  
  
Kaji and Ritsuko looked at each other, the blonde doctor shaking   
her head.  
  
"Oops?" Kaji said plaintively.  
  
***  
  
Kensuke Aida watched the sun set behind the titanic bulk of   
NERV-HQ from his perch in the window-seat of a building a few blocks   
away. He held binoculars to his eyes, which he used to peer intently   
at the pseudo-minarets of the steel giant, and a cellular phone, which   
he held with a concerted effort of his jaw and shoulder.  
  
He sat in the main room of his loft-like apartment. He had   
bought it from an amateur artist who had used it as a study, and it   
still had that feel to it. It was filled with comfortable-but-not-  
expensive furniture, the most distinguishing characteristic being the   
computer in the corner.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose it's doable... I still don't like the idea,   
though."  
  
//"I already knew your opinion. So, you're going to keep most   
of the security systems offline, right?"//  
  
Kensuke sighed and adjusted his glasses. "I guess, if you're   
really sure about this. It shouldn't be a problem with the Throne-  
level access code you gave me. You sure there's nothing I can do to   
prove this is a dumb idea to you, Nabiki?"  
  
He heard her laugh slightly over the line. //"Of course.   
Thanks anyway, Aida. Remember, log in at 23:30 and have the security   
down within five minutes. We'll be counting on you."//  
  
"Okay. Just make sure you're careful; and Akane too. You know   
how reckless she can be."  
  
//"I know. Bye, Aida."//  
  
"Bye." *Damn, I wish she'd call me Kensuke.*  
  
He clicked off the cell phone and glanced at his wristwatch. It   
read 18:23. Raising his binoculars and turning his attention back to   
the inscrutable mass that was NERV, he couldn't help but sigh.  
  
*I've got a seriously bad feeling about this.*  
  
Focussing his binoculars in, Kensuke almost swore he could see a   
person standing on the roof, but he couldn't make out any details, so   
he shrugged it off after a few moments of watching.  
  
***  
  
Rei Ayanami stood on the roof of NERV-HQ, looking out over the   
dark city as shadows stretched longer and deepened, the sign of day's   
retreat before the encroaching night. The breeze blew her mane of   
blue hair about, and whipped her skirt against her legs, but she   
ignored both.  
  
Gendo Ikari stood in the doorway of the stairwell which led back   
down into the building, watching the distant girl.  
  
She looked out over the railing, seeing not the city but only   
the emptiness and the wind. He watched her, wrapped half in the   
shadow of the doorway. Silently, he reached up and took off his red-  
tinted glasses, folding them and putting them in his pocket.  
  
"Rei."  
  
She looked up as he approached. "Commander Ikari." She turned   
back to the cold wind.  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
The girl stood silent, watching, for a long moment before she   
spoke. "It is funny how you can not have anything and never realize."  
  
Gendo only watched her.  
  
"It is funnier how once you have something, and lose it, the   
loss is worse than the lack."  
  
She sighed, the first time Gendo had ever heard her do so.  
  
"If I knew how to smile better, I think I would be laughing."  
  
"Have you lost something, Rei?"  
  
"I think so. But I'm not sure it was something I was meant to   
have. Do you understand what I mean, Commander?"  
  
"I think I might."  
  
"May I ask you something, Commander Ikari?"  
  
"I suppose so."  
  
"Who gave me my name?"  
  
If Gendo was surprised by her question, he did not show it. He   
watched her silently for a long moment, then took out his glasses and   
put them on.  
  
"Your parents gave you your name."  
  
Saying so, he turned and left the roof.  
  
***  
  
How did my mother talk to me? Was it really my mother?  
  
Am I losing my mind?  
  
The thought was not as frightful to Shinji as he supposed it   
should be. He had never cared particularly about what happened to him   
(or at least never believed he cared), and his sanity seemed to amount   
to little more than his physical existence to him, if either amounted   
to anything at all.  
  
His mother was dead. That cold hard fact lay at the bottom of   
Shinji's mind. Death was unchangeable, enigmatic, and remote. That   
his mother could somehow reach through the veil separating the living   
from the dead seemed unlikely. Shinji knew that it was entirely   
possible that the entire encounter was a creation of his own mind, but   
couldn't give himself the credit for the creativity.  
  
So. His mother was dead, but she had spoken to him. That led   
him back to square one, but with an additional question.  
  
*How? How did she speak to me?*  
  
Upon probing the recesses of his consciousness, he found no   
ready answer. The probing only revealed another question: Why?  
  
For most people, 'because she is my mother' would have been   
enough. But Shinji couldn't allot his own existence even that modicum   
of importance.  
  
How and why, method and motive...  
  
His mother had died when he was very young, and Shinji didn't   
remember very much of her, other than short brown hair and caring   
eyes. He knew she had been a scientist, that she had been part of the   
research team at the South Pole at the time of the Second Impact   
(shortly after giving birth to himself), and that she had died not too   
long afterward, while working for NERV.  
  
He remembered her being caring, but he supposed that it could be   
idolization on his part.  
  
*At least she couldn't be as bad as my father.*  
  
Shinji had always wondered about his mother. He couldn't quite   
bring himself to believe that he was important enough to matter to   
her, but at the same time he couldn't accept that she didn't care   
about him; she had brought him into the world. His paradoxical   
fabricated relationship with her consisted mostly of imagining her   
different than his father; he could deal with anything other than   
that.  
  
For some reason, almost every time he thought of his mother, a   
faint echo came attached to the thought, an echo of Rei.  
  
As Shinji walked through the hallways of NERV-HQ, going nowhere   
in particular, he paid little attention to his surroundings. When his   
father walked by, however, he snapped back into reality. He met him   
just as he came out of the stairwell which lead to the roof.  
  
As they walked by each other, Shinji blurted out a word   
reflexively. It was a child's cry for help, one which for him had   
always gone unanswered. "Father?"  
  
Gendo Ikari turned to look at his son. "What is it?" His voice   
was impatient.  
  
Shinji looked at his father. He wore dark clothing, as he   
usually did, and the glasses hid the emotions in his eyes. Gendo   
Ikari was cold, remote, and utterly unapproachable.  
  
Shinji failed to reach out to his father. A failure which was a   
repetition of a thousand other instances in his lifetime.  
  
"I-uh, that is... I mean... it's nothing. Sorry."  
  
Gendo Ikari frowned at him. "Don't bother me with nonsense. If   
you haven't got anything to say, keep your mouth closed."  
  
Shinji watched as his father turned and walked away, a nameless   
regret settling over him like an old blanket. After a while, he   
continued down the hallway, his hands shoved deep into his pockets,   
but his thoughts had been broken by the cold presence of his father.  
  
He passed the entrance of the stairway that led to the roof   
without ever really noticing.  
  
***  
  
Who does she think she is? she thinks that she can barge in on   
me any time she wants and bug me  
  
why won't she leave me alone?  
  
I don't want her feeling sorry for me. I don't want anybody   
feeling sorry for me, but especially not her.  
  
Damn her! What the fuck!!  
  
what the fuck am I...?  
  
what's left of me? am I a man?  
  
I shouldn't have yelled at her like that. But I'm not going to   
say I'm sorry. Stuck up bitch.  
  
I wonder if she's mad at me?  
  
Feh. Retarded question this is Asuka I'm talking about  
  
how mad is she, though?  
  
fuck her if she thinks I'm going to apologize to her.  
  
I hope she's not too mad, though.  
  
damn I shouldn't have yelled at her I'm such a fucking moron  
  
I can't believe I screamed at her like that oh my god she hates   
me now what the hell was I thinking Asuka? I'm sorry...  
  
No! I'm not sorry, you fucking bitch! How dare you judge me,   
pity me?! What gives you the right? What  
  
what am I talking about?  
  
Asuka...  
  
I can handle things on my own. I don't need an arrogant bitch   
like her  
  
I don't need  
  
I  
  
need  
  
Asuka...  
  
I need you, Asuka.  
  
***  
  
Kensuke pushed his rolling chair back as the clock switched to   
23:30, sending it in a smooth glide across the floor to his computer,   
where he halted neatly, spinning quickly to face his keyboard.  
  
*It's time. Good luck Nabiki, Akane. Something tells me you're   
going to need it.*  
  
He logged on to the NERV database and entered the Throne-level   
access code.  
  
***  
  
Akane grit her teeth as she crawled through the small air duct.   
She was getting tired of looking at Nabiki's butt right in front of   
her.  
  
"Are you sure this was the best way to get in?" she whispered   
fiercely.  
  
"Yes, now quit complaining. The grate we're looking for is   
right... aha, here we go." Akane heard a slight scrape of metal on   
metal as her sister levered the grate up.  
  
Then Nabiki slipped out of the exit, and Akane saw her hanging   
by her fingertips for a moment before she let herself drop. Akane   
crawled forward a little and looked down. Nabiki was inside a   
bathroom stall, holding the door open enough to check outside for   
people.  
  
Akane let herself drop from the grate, careful to avoid the   
toilet, and joined her sister. Nabiki stepped out into the bathroom   
proper, and flashed Akane a smile. "We're in."  
  
Akane nodded and went over to the door, her hand going to the   
hilt of her synchro-blade at her side as she opened the door a crack.   
The dimly-lit hallways of NERV-HQ appeared deserted.  
  
Akane stepped out into the hallway and turned to her sister.   
"So, where are we headed, 'Biki?"  
  
Her sister took out a calculator-sized computer - her pride and   
joy; the things were difficult to get unless you worked for NERV - and   
checked the schematic. "It's thataway," she said, pointing.  
  
The two set off deep into the bowels of NERV headquarters.  
  
***  
  
Shinji lay in bed in his apartment, looking up at his   
featureless ceiling. His thoughts spun in his head as he lay there   
trying to find sleep.  
  
mother...  
  
Rei...  
  
father...  
  
He remembered when he was a child his father standing looking   
down at him face stern and featureless glasses opaque his father   
remote inaccessible unapproachable  
  
He remembered what he had felt when his father sent him to live   
with his aunt and uncle. What he had felt when his father had sent   
for him to come to NERV.  
  
For a moment he had dared to hope that his father cared for him,   
wanted him for himself. But he had only wanted a pilot.  
  
*you got what you wanted, father. are you happy? I am a   
pilot.*  
  
he remembered his mother. he couldn't really remember what her   
voice sounded like, but he had always imagined it being soft and   
caring  
  
Slowly, sleep found Shinji Ikari. he dreamt of his EVA   
embracing him as all around him people turned into a formless liquid.   
he felt himself assaulted, felt the barriers that made him himself   
being pushed against, a pressure like a world of stone. throughout it   
all a pale young man and a woman who was Rei but was not stood and   
smiled. Then there were wings, and everyone rose. his father smiled   
behind folded hands.  
  
***  
  
Shinji Ikari.  
  
You were coming closer, but now you only drift away. I try to   
get close again, but words are barriers. Communication cannot convey;   
walls everywhere I cannot reach you.  
  
Why are we separate? separateness causes loneliness; none of us   
is complete in ourselves. words and thoughts and emotions imperfect   
things - no other can ever know how I feel or who I am, not truly.  
  
only through others can we find ourself, but communication is   
only an imperfect reflection of inherently flawed concepts. Thus we   
are never complete. Barriers of consciousness keep us from ever   
touching another, knowing another.  
  
I cannot find you, Shinji Ikari.  
  
At first I thought that perhaps there was a way to know another.   
I want to know you. But I cannot; how can I when you are not I?  
  
But someday there will not be barriers; no you or I, only one.  
  
Then I will not be alone.  
  
***  
  
The light of the glowing computer screen reflected off of   
Nabiki's eyes, lending them a strange luminescence. Her fingers   
danced across the keyboard as she coaxed the secrets she was looking   
for out of the reticent NERV databanks.  
  
Akane looked at her sister from her post guarding the only   
entrance to the dark room - the office of some higher-up there in   
NERV. "Are you almost done, Nabiki?"  
  
Her sister entered a last command and looked up, grinning   
triumphantly. "Yup, we're in. Toss me that disk we brought."  
  
Akane flipped the diskette to Nabiki, who caught it neatly and   
inserted it into the computer. The brown-haired girl sat back,   
smiling satisfactorily. "Now all we have to do is wait for it to copy   
and then get out of here. This was easy."  
  
Akane fingered the edge of her synchro-blade with pressure just   
under the point of breaking the skin.  
  
***  
  
Misato Katsuragi sat at her desk, poring over the miniature   
mountain of complaints and reports that was her least-favorite duty.   
She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm and sighed.  
  
*Ugh. These things are always endless... Why do I have to fill   
them out, anyway?*  
  
They weren't new thoughts. She sometimes imagined going up to   
Commander Ikari and throwing the stack of papers into his face. Not   
that she ever would, of course.  
  
Sitting back, Misato looked up at the ceiling of the office as   
she felt the sharp tension in her shoulders. *I should finish this   
stuff tomorrow.*  
  
Standing up, she set out for her apartment.  
  
The repetitious boredom of the endless forms left behind, her   
mind wandered to subjects she'd rather it left alone.  
  
*Dammit Kaji, what's your problem?*  
  
When she had caught him pawing Ritsuko, jealousy had reared up   
like an ugly monster. She was surprised at the fierceness of her own   
emotion. *He's just as immature as he ever was. Why did he have to   
come here, anyway?*  
  
Her mind flashed incongruously to her father.  
  
She had almost caught herself wishing that Kaji was more like   
her father. At least her father had been a respectable scientist, and   
not an unshaven buffoon. But, of course, that was half the reason she   
had been attracted to Kaji in the first place.  
  
She had thought that if a responsible man like her father had   
been too busy with his work to bother with his family, perhaps someone   
like Kaji wouldn't suffer from the same limitation. Of course, Kaji   
had failings in other areas...  
  
*The man is hopeless! He can't stop himself from flirting with   
anything female within a mile radius. He's an irresponsible jerk,   
that's what he is!*  
  
Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice she had even been   
walking through the hallways of NERV-HQ until she stood before her   
door.  
  
Angrily, she opened the door and walked inside.  
  
***  
  
Rei Ayanami wandered the hallways of NERV-HQ, her crimson eyes   
lost in deep thought. She was like a pale apparition in the dimly-lit   
maze of steel.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by the slight hum of a working   
computer, and the soft glow of the screen, leaking out of a slightly   
opened door.  
  
Silently, she slipped inside.  
  
***  
  
Nabiki looked up from the percentage bar indicating the progress   
of her copying just in time to see a strange girl slip into the room,   
wearing a shirt with the NERV emblem on it.  
  
Immediately, she had her pulse blaster out and was firing.  
  
The blasts of energy from Nabiki's gun met a ripple in the air   
as the blue-haired girl shot a glance like a spear at Nabiki. The   
ripple continued through the air, fast as thought, and slammed into   
Nabiki with the force of an eighteen-wheeler.  
  
Nabiki was flung backwards through the air by the force of the   
impact, her gun falling from her suddenly nerveless fingers. Nabiki   
couldn't see it, because spots exploded in her vision as her head hit   
the wall, but the strange girl appeared as surprised as she was.  
  
Before Akane could act, the girl turned to her, her composure   
recovered. Akane saw reflections of herself staring back at her from   
the deep crimson eyes.  
  
"You are intruders; you do not belong here. I am going to sound   
the alarm." Her voice was soft and emotionless.  
  
The strange red eyes pinned Akane where she was, and her   
synchro-blade slipped from her hand, forgotten. The only defense she   
managed to hold up against the strange gaze were a few pitiful words.  
  
"But... but they killed our mother..."  
  
The words caught the strange girl like a surprise blow. A   
shadow of emotion flickered across her face, and her gaze turned   
inward for a moment. Akane held her breath, the sense that her fate   
hung upon the decision of this strange girl strong in her mind.  
  
The red-eyed girl turned to Akane and looked at her for a long   
moment, as though scrutinizing her face for signs of genuineness.   
After a long moment of crimson eternity, the red eyes left Akane. She   
felt drained by the experience.  
  
The blue-haired girl walked over to the computer and stopped the   
copying. She pulled the disk out and tossed it to Akane.  
  
"Leave. Now."  
  
Akane hurried to get her sister, who was still groggy from being   
flung into the wall, and then hurried out of the room. All that time,   
those red eyes never left her.  
  
When they were back out in the hallway, making their way to the   
place they had entered from, Nabiki had recovered sufficiently to be   
angry.  
  
"What the hell happened back there?"  
  
Akane could only shake her head. "I'm not really sure." Those   
crimson eyes were still watching her from deep inside her mind.  
  
***  
  
Rei Ayanami shut the computer down and left for her apartment.  
  
***  
  
Fuyutsuki stood in the dimly lit command center, alone. He   
looked at the diagnostics screen showing readouts of Unit 01's status.   
Although the data had been wildly erratic shortly after the incident   
with the Ban'nin, the EVA had apparently returned to normal within six   
minutes. Or what passed for normal with an EVA.  
  
But he wasn't thinking about the EVA. Or at least, not   
directly. His mind had wandered to a young woman with brown hair, a   
former student of his. The woman who had been mostly responsible for   
the creation of the EVAs, and probably the one who understood them the   
most.  
  
*Yui... Are you as gone as we thought? There is Rei of course,   
but... 'A mother is the secret to the will to survive'...*  
  
He reached out and touched the glass of the diagnostic   
viewscreen.  
  
*The EVAs... there may be unforeseen aspects to them.*  
  
*Although, something tells me that none of this came as a   
surprise to Ikari.*  
  
***  
  
End Part 1: Closing Hearts  
  
  
  
  
Part 2: Fumbling Towards Kindness  
  
***  
  
"You mean I can leave?"  
  
Maya nodded, a smile brightening her already congenial face.   
"Yes, you're free to go whenever you want. I understand you've been   
chafing, being cooped up in here. So now you can go. Just be careful   
you don't overexert yourself for the next couple of days, and be sure   
to report back here every day for a check on your progress."  
  
Toji was a little stunned by the news. A part of him had   
expected to remain trapped in NERV's Medical Wing for the remainder of   
his life. After allowing it to settle in for a second, though, he   
quickly stood up, tossing his blanket aside.  
  
"Yes! I am outta here!"  
  
Maya watched him walk out of the hospital room. She waited   
until he was gone to chuckle softly.  
  
Toji left the Medical Wing in high spirits, happy to roam in   
relative freedom, even if he was still inside the sprawling hallways   
of NERV-HQ. He headed straight for his apartments, looking forward to   
telling Asuka the good news. He could imagine her smiling, which only   
increased his good mood.  
  
When he reached the door, however, he paused.  
  
He had forgotten how they had last parted. She hadn't come to   
visit him since he had told her that his saying he loved her was a   
lapse in judgement.  
  
He stopped with his hand raised to knock, horrified.  
  
*Oh my god... How could I forget...?*  
  
He had hurt her. Hurt her badly. He winced at the words he had   
used - lapse in judgement. How could he be so stupid? How could he   
say that to the one person in his life who meant anything to him?  
  
*She must hate me now.*  
  
He lowered his arm, and stared at the blank door before him for   
a long moment. He didn't have any right to be coming back here.  
  
Just as he turned to go, a voice interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Toji? You're out of the hospital?"  
  
There she was. She was holding two paper bags of groceries   
precariously in her slim arms, her long red hair falling in a graceful   
wave down her back. He almost choked with surprise.  
  
"A-Asuka... I, uh... yeah, I am..." *She doesn't seem mad...*  
  
"Well, what are you waiting around out here for? Why don't you   
open the door?" She flicked her head back, sending a ripple down her   
cascade of hair.  
  
Surprised, Toji nonetheless reached out and turned the doorknob,   
opening it up onto his familiar apartment. Asuka walked by while he   
held the door, carefully balancing her bags.  
  
The inside was dimly lit. Asuka placed the paper bags on the   
table and knuckled her back. "The store's too much of a walk...   
Lights, 80%."  
  
The lighting brightened. Toji still stood in the doorway,   
watching Asuka.  
  
"Are you going to come in?"  
  
Toji stepped hesitantly into the apartment, letting the door   
close behind him. "Aren't you angry at me? For what I said?"  
  
Asuka nodded. "Of course I'm angry. You said things that you   
shouldn't have - and what made it worse was that I never expected them   
from you. But I've also been doing a lot of thinking. I understand   
that you were hurt and needed to lash out, so I can forgive you.   
Depending, of course, on your behavior from now on." She looked at   
him expectantly. Her eyes were heated, though he couldn't tell by   
what emotion, and her face was calm.  
  
Toji felt a wash of relief. Although understanding wasn't one   
of Asuka's strong points, she had taken the time to think about why he   
had said what he had. It made him realize just how good a thing they   
had together.  
  
He grinned, and she smiled slightly in return. "Sounds like a   
deal."  
  
***  
  
Nabiki took a sip of water and swallowed the pain-killers in a   
quick gulp. Hopefully they would stop her head from ringing.  
  
"Are you okay, 'Biki?" Akane asked from across the room,   
sounding concerned.  
  
"I'll be fine as soon as I get rid of this stupid headache.   
Whatever that girl hit me with, it packed a wallop."  
  
Akane nodded. "I was afraid you'd broken your neck or   
something. I think the girl was one of the pilots, Rei Ayanami."  
  
Nabiki frowned for a second. "You're right, she matches the   
description. Not too many girls out there with red eyes." Nabiki   
shuddered slightly, and Akane knew that her sister had not been   
untouched by that crimson gaze. "Anyway, we've got to take a walk. I   
want to call Kaji and Aida." They had a certain phone booth which   
they used for delicate phone conversations, one which Nabiki had   
painstakingly debugged.  
  
"You haven't taken a look at what we copied from NERV yet, have   
you?"  
  
"No. It's probably encrypted, anyway. Aida's the expert with   
that sort of stuff, so I was planning on handing it over to him."  
  
Nabiki and Akane shrugged into their jackets and headed out of   
the apartment. Outside, a chill breeze blew odd scraps of paper down   
the dim alleyway, skittering insect-like along the concrete.  
  
***  
  
Shinji Ikari munched on his food where he sat alone in the NERV   
HQ cafeteria. He hardly noticed what was passing through his   
digestive track, the large part of his consciousness being directed   
toward the thoughts running through his head.  
  
After a long time of thoughts running in circles and generally   
leading to nowhere other than where he had started, he looked up and   
realized something that should have been obvious.  
  
He was alone.  
  
"Huh... I wonder where Rei is?"  
  
He tried to shrug the observation off and go back to his   
previous train of thought, but it had been derailed. Now that he   
thought about it, ever since he had been injured - or whatever -   
during the fight with the Ban'nin, she had seemed withdrawn.  
  
*I wonder... what's going on with her?*  
  
His mind now focused on this new thought, he stood up to go look   
for Rei, leaving his dinner mostly uneaten.  
  
***  
  
"We may have a problem." Fuyutsuki stood in front of Gendo's   
desk, looking at the younger man where he sat in his habitual   
position. As Gendo made no sign of disapproval, he continued.  
  
"Due to the unstable nature of the older process used with them,   
they must be taught to maintain an utterly calm state of mind at all   
times." Of course, the other man knew this - he had developed the   
process. Although Fuyutsuki knew that the clones aided them in their   
ultimate goal, he sometimes wondered at Gendo's true motive in their   
creation; especially considering the model he had chosen. "It seems   
as though the current one may be losing her mental balance. She may   
be prone to cellular breakdown, or even more mundane forms of   
psychological depression, perhaps leading to suicide." They both   
remembered what had happened to a majority of the multitude of test   
subjects.  
  
Gendo did not move from his position behind the desk, elbows   
leant upon the surface and folded hands covering his mouth. His face   
didn't even flicker as he spoke. "This development was not   
unforeseen. A replacement stands ready in the event of such failure."  
  
To anyone else, Gendo Ikari would have seemed completely cold   
and calculating. But Fuyutsuki caught the tiniest glimmer of emotion   
in his eyes, behind the lenses of his red glasses.  
  
"Of course. Should I inform Doctor Akagi of this possibility?"  
  
"Yes." Gendo sat back slightly, readjusting his glasses. "You   
may leave now." It was very clearly a dismissal.  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded and left the dark office.  
  
***  
  
Asuka smiled, listening to Toji's breathing. She had missed the   
familiar weight of his body next to her as she slept. And the sound   
of his breathing. Though their relationship had always been a   
tempestuous whirlwind of flaring tempers and passions, the making up   
had always been wonderful.  
  
She felt him shift slightly.  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
She had thought he was asleep. He sounded hesitant.  
  
"What?" She spoke softly, almost afraid to break the intimate   
quiet.  
  
He swallowed. "I... I just wanted to tell you - jeez, I'm not   
very good at this - what I mean is... well, I think you can tell that   
what happened to me has changed me."  
  
She felt him touch her bare skin with his metal hand. Although   
the touch did not disgust her, the cold metal raised goosebumps on her   
flesh. As if she could forget.  
  
"I... you know how I feel about you. Or at least, how I felt   
about you." He felt her stiffen, and hurried to finish. "I don't   
mean that I feel any different... what I mean is that I feel as though   
I might feel different. I... don't really know how to describe it.   
It's like I'm still me right now, but I know that sometime soon I   
might not be anymore. Do you understand?"  
  
She didn't, but she nodded anyway, and he sighed with relief.  
  
Toji licked his lips and continued. "So I just wanted you to   
know... that I love you, Asuka. I realized how badly I needed you   
when I was alone. So, no matter what happens to me, just remember.   
Remember me as I am right now, remember this moment. Alright?"  
  
She felt tears in her eyes. How could she forget this moment?   
She didn't really understand what he meant, but she knew that this was   
the first time he had truly opened up to her, bared his soul for her   
eyes.  
  
"I will. I'll remember, always. And I'll stay with you. No   
matter what."  
  
"Promise?" Toji couldn't keep the hint of fear from his voice.  
  
"I do."  
  
***  
  
Small.  
  
So small, but such power.  
  
Power to send consciousness fleeing gone forever flying forever   
through fields of night  
  
smile. not a good smile a healthy smile no definitely not  
  
can't stop smiling.  
  
perhaps she would see the stars when this small thing sent her   
flying far away she would fly among the stars forever and forget human   
sadness leave behind all ties of physicality  
  
smile  
  
she knew that soon all would be one but she couldn't wait that   
long couldn't wait because there was hurt where there shouldn't have   
been hurt on the inside. But she didn't have to wait because this   
small thing was the key to her door the one that would open wide and   
let her free because there was no difference when you were flying far   
away in fields of light and darkness  
  
open mouth bitter taste but don't spit it out no don't do that   
because this is the key. Just smile, smile and swallow.  
  
***  
  
Shinji stood before the door to Rei's apartment, trying to build   
up the nerve to knock. It was silent and dark inside.  
  
*This is stupid. She probably isn't even home. Just get it   
over with, idiot!*  
  
Tentatively, he reached out a hand and knocked at the door. It   
sounded so timid that he doubted someone two feet away could have   
heard it. Grimacing, Shinji knocked again, louder this time.  
  
*No answer. I knew she wouldn't be home.*  
  
He started to turn away, but something made him look at the door   
again. He tried the knob, not really sure why. It was unlocked.  
  
The door opened silently into the dark interior.  
  
Rei was curled up on the floor, head between her knees in the   
fetal position, dressed in only a button-up flannel shirt.  
  
Shinji started. "Rei?" His words seemed to echo in the empty   
darkness of the room.  
  
He was at her side without being aware of crossing the   
intervening space. He turned her over, a sense of urgency added by   
the cold clamminess of her skin.  
  
She was smiling. Not the beautiful, wistful, remote half-smile   
which sometimes lit her face, making her seem like some unearthly   
spirit of gentle sadness wandering the earth, like a girl made out of   
air who could never be touched. No.  
  
Her lips were stretched tight across her teeth in a caricature   
of mirth, a grimace like that of a death's head. A mixture of spittle   
and foam leaked from between her tightly clenched teeth.  
  
"Oh my god, Rei!"  
  
She was still breathing, but much too quickly, and her chest   
rose and fell only slightly, as though her lungs could only hold tiny   
increments of air.  
  
Shinji stumbled to the door and out into the hall.  
  
"Somebody help! Oh my god... please..."  
  
***  
  
End Part 2: Fumbling Towards Kindness  
  
End Chapter 3: Wandering Angels  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
For those of you wondering about the scene with Rei and Gendo on   
the roof, the word 'rei' translated from Japanese can mean either   
'soul' or 'zero'.  
  
I hope I didn't depress anybody with what happened at the end...   
see ya next chapter! -_^  
  
As a side note here, I would like to take this opportunity to   
state that sometime in the near future I will be posting a story I   
have co-authored with a good friend of mine under another pen name,   
which we are going to use for our joint efforts. The pen name is Yri   
Gods (anybody out there knows where that's from? ^_^). If you like my   
writing, hopefully you'll take a look at it. The name of it is going   
to be Omega Genesis Evangelion.  
  
You can reach me at feithecontact@secondimpact.com.  
  
Landscape of the Soul can be found at my website,   
come.to/feithecontact.  



	4. Vignette: The Last Angel

I come into being, consciousness dawning from nothingness.  
  
Who am I?  
  
I feel I am of two parts. One part of myself yearns to embrace all else... While the other   
yearns to bring the cleansing fire of destruction.  
  
I am the essence of free will.  
  
I am death incarnate.  
  
***  
  
A Neon Genesis/Ranma 1/2 Elseworlds Saga  
By Dan Riley...  
  
Landscape of the Soul  
  
Vignette 1  
The Last Angel  
  
***  
  
"It looks like he's coming around."  
  
"Good. It's time."  
  
I open my eyes. There are two humans around me. A tall woman with dyed blonde hair,   
and a dark man with red-tinted glasses. I sense that the man is the important one.  
  
I sit up, the amber fluid of my artificial womb dripping from my body, and look at the   
man. He smiles behind his white-gloved hands.  
  
"I am."  
  
"Yes. Welcome. Do you know who you are?"  
  
I am...  
  
"Tabris."  
  
He nodded. "And do you know what you are?"  
  
"I am life... and I am death. I am the end."  
  
"Good. Ritsuko, enter his personal data into the Magi. His name will be... Kaworu."  
  
End Vignette 1: The Last Angel 


End file.
